BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

From this great site: The not-so-bitter truth “You’re just bitter.” This is a phrase commonly used to silence women . Another variation says, “You are so unforgiving.” The bitterness accusation is used to bully a woman and tell her how she “should” feel instead of asking her how she does feel. Someone who uses this label expects her to pretend there has been no harm, no foul. She is expected to pretend the one who hurt her is a great person, even if she knows he is a terrible person. If she does not pretend, it is because she is “bitter and unforgiving.” Abusers nearly always sling this accusation at their victims. She may have accepted him back with open arms after a dozen violent episodes, but the first time she hesitates to “forgive and forget,” he will tell her she is a bitter and unforgiving person. If only it stopped there. The world does not want to hear the voice of the abused, either. Let her speak of abuse in the divorce hearing, and the judge may roll h...

"It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of the pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering. ...In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the perpetrator's first line of defense. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens. To this end, he marshals an impressive array of arguments, from the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalization. After every atrocity one can expect to hear the same predictable apologies: it never happened; the victim lies; the victim exaggerates; the victim brought it on herself; and in any case ...

by Yaffa Ganz Reprinted with permission from “THE JEWISH FACT FINDER” Important Torah Facts and Handy Jewish Information. Feldheim Publishers. Here are 13 character traits for a human being to focus on to better himself, as suggested by Rabbi Yisrael of Salant, the founder of a Jewish self-improvement program called the “Mussar movement.” 1) TRUTHFULNESS [EMET] Be truthful in all you say. 2) QUICKNESS [ZERIZUT] All that you have to do, do without wasting time. 3) DILIGENCE [CHARITZUT] Do all that you are supposed to do conscientiously. 4) RESPECT [KAVOD] Be extremely careful with the honor and feelings of others. 5) TRANQUILLITY [MENUCHA] Do everything quietly, without undue confusion or excitement. 6) GENTLENESS [NACHAT] The words of the wise are spoken softly and peacefully. 7) CLEANLINESS AND PURITY [NIKAYON] Keep your body and your clothing clean and pure. 8) PATIENCE [SAVLANUT] Whatever happens in life, be patient. 9) ORDER [SEDER] Do everything in an orderly and discipli...