A TRAUMA-BONDED AMERICA

by theabilitytolove

A friend of mine wrote to me this morning and presented a video link to a Dr. Oz episode that discusses Fibromyalgia and the disabling and life threatening effects it has on those who suffer from it.

Ironically, it’s not that the illness isn’t real, that makes it life threatening or extremely difficult to cope with by itself, it is invalidation by many physician’s who do not believe in the existence of Fibromyalgia as a true medical illness at all, or it is perceived as a mental illness- a somatic disorder.

 The invalidation that patients experience on a regular basis is overwhelming and is a reflection of a serious and devastating picture of what is going on in our country, but also within our medical community, which is a lack of empathy and compassion for those who are truly suffering. Who are truly sick. The consequence of this is that we now live in a country of victimization. My friend was so frustrated that no one in the Fibro community was lighting up Dr. Oz’s site, thanking him and encouraging him to keep this issue up for discussion. She was very angry, “On the forums, all they do is complain about their illnesses, they don’t want to DO anything about it to get the word out! I’m sick of the constant victimizing they’re doing!”

My friend suffers from the same illness and then some. This is what is happening for a majority of us in this country who are not living a life of privilege and where sociopathic powers rule. To a large extent, many of us are being victimized if we do not represent those who are higher up on the food chain.

Another friend of mine, a Nurse, recently quit her job for good and a job she loves, because the climate of the medical community has turned highly narcissistic and the oath that each care giver takes in that they are to ‘do no harm’ has now become largely extinct. She is not alone in feeling this way.

Corporate greed and insurance companies have sabotaged the medical field. It is run for profit. The stress of the jobs that my friend worked, where patient care was forfeited for profit, was overwhelming to her. Because of her empathy and focus on the individualized care of her patients, she often found herself in trouble with authority who insisted that she act against her conscience in providing that care. She could no longer tolerate the frustration and overwhelm she felt and is now in school, working on a career change. Her efforts for change in the places that she worked, in trying to out those in higher positions who care about that profit, rather than the patient, were met with narcissistic harm.

All of this, is truly frightening to me. Not everyone is sociopathic, psychopathic or narcissistic, however, our systems are largely run by those in positions of power who are seriously mentally disturbed and disordered and whose ruinous natures are well preserved and protected by the highest in authority, power and privilege in this country, while the rest of those ‘below’ this line are scapegoated and exploited for their personal and professional gain.

Student loan interest rates were increased by a vote in Congress recently. Fewer young adults will be able to afford an education, yet they will be ‘lured’ into college by career counselors and student loan advisors who will promise them a job and a future, only to graduate and find nothing, and to be thousands in debt. My own daughter is experiencing this and has for the last six years. Working at Best buy full time at minimum wage, barely able to afford to live, while paying significant student loan payments. Why are student loan rates going up, while tax rates on corporations are down and/or non existent and profits at an all time high? Where’s all of this ‘job creation’?

This is just one form of sabotage upon the lives of innocent and hard working people in our country.

Those of us who are awake and aware, keenly note the sociopathic attitude toward the masses: “Let them eat cake”. . .a message that is clearly heard by those who are highly empathic and are extremely frustrated by their inability to stop it, or so they believe….and that is the problem. We are afraid to act.

Austerity measures continue. The middle class is fading. Those who are working their butts off at low wage jobs, often more than two part time jobs, still require the assistance of medical care and food stamps and yet they are scapegoated by our government and by corporations who are not creating jobs, but using the ‘savings’ from low wage employees to benefit their own profit margins. Many of those that work low wage jobs find themselves in increasing poverty with what it now costs to live and yet they are consistently scapegoated and exploited by our sociopathic corporations and government through advocacy and propaganda that insist it is these groups that are creating the need for public assistance, and are labeled and painted by a broad brush as malingerers, lazy and incapable.

The middle class has not escaped the grip of sociopathic power, as the lines begin to blur and more are falling into levels just above the poverty line.

It is a universal smear campaign by the disordered in power. Why would this be so difficult to believe when we have experienced this in our private lives?

The sociopaths want us to focus on those who commit ‘fraud’ when in reality, the comparisons of those who commit fraud and those in genuine need are incredibly miniscule, when we look at the faces of reality. I see them everyday. And I am one of them too. The true fraudsters are those who are doing the accusing. It is a projection.

You see, just like psychopaths do in our private lives, they are doing to us on a much broader and much more dangerous scale. They exploit bigoted individuals and their hatred to scapegoat groups whom they want us to believe are the driving forces behind why this country is failing financially and socially. The poor, people of color, LGBT, the disabled, the elderly and women, all vulnerable participants in this society, many of whom pay taxes and work hard,

Providing any of these groups, let alone anyone else, can find employment. Many of those employed, whether low wage or middle class jobs, are finding it increasingly difficult to survive the employment environment that is becoming increasingly narcissistic. I know several women who are dealing with sociopath/psychopathic/narcissistic bosses and coworkers. Kind of hard to ‘complain’ about your job when your very basic needs are threatened, we all must live and the psychopaths/sociopaths and narcissists know this. Bullying is on the rise and the bullies know they can escape accountability.

Ironically, those who are exploited by sociopaths in power most, religious fundamentalists, bigots, and those who are ignorant and unaware, betray themselves by voting the sociopath into office where the sociopath wields his power against them, removing services that are important to their own lives, or removing more from the middle class, creating income inequality, as well as class warfare. The exploited are victims of powerful sociopaths too. Slowly, people are beginning to wake up to this betrayal, very slowly, but in the meantime, suffering continues and the lack of empathy is increasing by the day within the realms of power. Their evil has become more blatant and obvious as we turn our heads.

Unfortunately, hatred, intolerance and bigotry trump a rational mind and align well with the sociopaths exploitation of those who harbor these venomous views. It is not over yet. We are not yet angry enough, but the reality that empathy seems to be missing in action on such a wide scale, is truly, truly frightening. We are victimized because we have done nothing to stop it. We have normalized extremely abnormal social, governmental and corporate behavior.

Political power wielded in the social context in blocking a progressive move forward with tolerance, is sacrificed and the very rights of women, those of color and those who are poor, disabled and elderly, are slowly being taken behind the mask of Christianity. The sociopaths in power, have taken Christianity and used the fundamentalist platform to destroy what it really means to be a Christian, as none of this behavior, in my view is considered remotely close to Christianity. Extremist and fundamentalist views have hurt Christians who do not hold these views.

They use exploitation by any means to increase intolerance, to divide us as a compassionate and loving nation, to segregate us from one another, to create more income and class inequality, to pretentiously project images of doing right, when in reality evil and atrocity is committed daily by them against the rest of us who have now been normalized and are apathetic to their tactics.. .we ARE a trauma bonded nation, trying to survive under sociopathic power.

I’m a very hard worker too. A passionate, empathic lover of those who are suffering the most, who deserve a better life, who deserve opportunity to develop and grow individually, to show their creative side to those who would appreciate it and at the same time, make a decent wage. There are too many survivors on the verge of homelessness, struggling to get by, there are too many survivors who face more exploitation and abuse, after they have just left their abuser, by a sociopathic system, whether it’s governmental or it’s judicial or societal, they face even more abuse.

In the current economic and social sociopathic run climate in which we are living, how can I advocate for a survivor’s healing, growth and individuality waiting to be unleashed and expressed with self and other love, and creativity, when what they will face is destitution? Especially if a survivor has children. Right now, under psychopathic/sociopathic rule, where is she better off? Living with the disordered one? Or dealing with forces of the disordered that would label her, scapegoat her and ruin her further? How can I encourage her to leave a psychopathic spouse of which she is financially dependent, only to escape and run into a wall of psychopathic resistance to her freedom in society?

I began to reflect and think about the very people I am trying to help. Is discussion of my own situation now, after abuse, wise? Or does it encourage a survivor to sit tight in abuse? These are very serious questions for me, not only for my own growth, but in the work that I do. From the perspective of economic disadvantage, lack of opportunity and disability, how can this possibly encourage a survivor to leave, given the current realities of our sociopathic system just waiting to exploit and damage her further?

Admittedly, I have felt very discouraged lately and have wondered even for myself, if leaving was worth it. When your safety is compromised, when there appears to be no hope for your own survival or that of your children, one begins to wonder if the choices we make to leave abuse, if we are financially dependent upon our disordered ones, is the same or if not worse, than staying.

What a truly sad place to be. Our society, in particular, our government and corporate entities, along with those in society who support them, care not for those who are hurting, in no matter what way that they are. Most of us, in recovery, desperately fight for our independence on every level and want to work.

Those in society that DO care, can offer very little with resources when sociopaths in power are removing them. It makes the work I do that much more difficult, painful and frustrating, because for the survivor who truly wants her or his freedom, I find myself in a place of wanting it as much for them, but helpless to offer hope in sustenance, if they have nothing. All I have is compassion, support and guidance to offer, but I know that does not offer what it takes to put food on the table in reality. We must have safety to heal. It is very difficult to heal when you are constantly concerned about your survival and sociopaths in power make this even more difficult, and increasingly impossible to do.

I knew what I was giving up, and subsequently getting into when I left the relationship. I knew my life would be extremely difficult. I knew I would not be supported and I knew, that despite my personal gifts and hard work, there was little opportunity, but I had to try. So if you’re a survivor reading this and considering leaving, I would suggest that you plan ahead and are very well prepared, whatever that means for you. It CAN be done, but it cannot without adequate resources, much support, financially, emotionally and therapeutically. If you have family and/or friends willing to assist you, accept their offers to put a roof over your head or to help you financially and emotionally until you can get on your feet. This is what LOVE DOES. Let people LOVE YOU.

So many are facing this now in society and it’s wrong.

I don’t know what it will take to wake the majority. But our ‘deliverance’ will not be built on sociopath rule and ruin. It will not come with hate, oppression and obstacle after obstacle to our rights and freedoms.

After I wrote a post about Zimmerman, a survivor accused me of being an ‘activist’.

If being an ‘activist’ means fighting for what are HER rights, as well as the rights of others, for income equality, freedom and opportunity and the removal or sociopathic rule for a more balanced and healthy minded government, then yes, I am an ‘activist’. Perhaps, I’m also idealistic, as this doesn’t look to be on the horizon in the near future, but I can dream and I can work toward this freedom in my own way, certain of what I and many others, see happening.

Who would I be if I did not feel such intense compassion for those who are so vulnerable, and whose lives are precariously balanced upon the decisions made by sociopaths in our system? Who would I be if I did not care for those whose rights are violated daily and whose hard work is exploited and scapegoated as inadequate or unworthy of the American dream, which is all but over except for the privileged few?

Do you know how to spot sociopathy in our hierarchy? In our system? It’s easy: those who advocate for the removal of basic human rights of others, those who advocate for austerity and who revel in the power and posturing ‘above’ those who are most poor, sick and were born a different color and are vulnerable in this society, those who advocate for hate, and intolerance, removing generations of difficult and painful work by those who DID care.

Sociopaths don’t advocate for the common good. They advocate for separation, destruction and isolating of those whom they accuse of acting like ‘victims’, while they ruthlessly victimize. Everyday a smear campaign is waged upon the voiceless.

We can do nothing if we do not act. We cannot complain if we do nothing. We must do something soon, and we must do it with love, compassion and empathy for all involved. We must get sociopaths out of power. We must stop being afraid. We must not accept our positions as victims in this society.

We must stop supporting those who support the sociopaths. We must stop reacting, stop normalizing their behavior, stop the apathy and MOVE to act….

I dream big, don’t I?

Collectively, we can do something. But we aren’t there yet.

I can hope we are soon. I want to offer the survivors I support, hope for their future. But given my own experiences and seeing that of so many others, all I can do is provide empathy and compassion.

Today, my therapist said to me, “I think you could be healthy living under a bridge, don’t you?” How very sad that this must even be a question.

I’m angry because I’ve worked my recovery very, very, very hard and I’ve worked on behalf of survivors and this blog, very, very hard and I love what I do and I love my life, and to think that I will lose this, because there is not opportunity to me, is nearly unbearable. Through this, I’m realizing my talents, gifts and what I have to offer the world, the absolute accomplishment in recovery, but my choices to remove myself from abuse, were not supported. Everyone in my life was disordered. I have physical and mental health limitations with C-PTSD that also limit me in other areas of my life. I’ve applied for many jobs now, those I thought I might be able to handle very part time, but my age, my disability and lack of college background, say those jobs go to those who can do them.

I visited quite a few websites for those who are 50 and older. Many who are not disabled and have worked hard all of their lives, cannot find employment now. Many are working part time, minimum wage jobs, when their credentials, education and life long hard work in their previous professions, should land them something worthwhile. They are suffering immeasurably too and they are not sick, they are victims of a sociopathic, narcissistic society that celebrates youth and where youth will work for less. Ironically, these hard working 50+ plus folks would work for less too and many of them do, but corporations do not wish to pay them what they are worth.

Those that corporations hire, work employees to death and under immeasurable stress to avoid hiring more people.

It is what it is. For now.

My prayer is that we will one day, collectively, be angry enough to move us forward. It’s not fun being a victim.

Maybe one day, we will all be survivors and free from sociopathic rule.

For now, I opt for peace, in whatever way I can find it. It’s what I hope for all of you too.

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