War & Peace

And so, what do you do if you cannot forgive your abuser?

What SHOULD you do?

Which party is the obstacle to reconciliation here? You or your abuser?

What should you do? Just accept it. It's a fact.

You cannot really change it: all you can do is delude yourself about it.

You can pretend to have "forgiven" your abuser all you want, but there is nonetheless, a state of war between you. It exists whether you admit it or not.

This is because your abuser owes you something he or she refuses to pay. The narcissist refuses to even admit what they DID yesterday. He may have punched you for 20 minutes straight, but today he denies that it happened, accusing you of "making things up" or of you being the one who attacked.

Since he won't even admit what he did, he is also denying you acknowledgement that it was wrong. That he has wronged you.

So, what is there to "forgive," pray tell?

He is also denying you a promise and guarantees to stop it.

So, how can you "forgive" ongoing abuse in progress?

Fact: life with the abuser continues as ever: whenever he feels like taking a crap on somebody, you're it. "Forgiving" that is just a codeword for permitting it.

You are not required to forgive that. You cannot forgive it. Their sin obligates the THEM to do something about it, not you. It obligates them to repent it.

duh.

Oh, yeah - that little prerequisite to forgiveness - repentance. The self-righteous harpies on you to "forgive" conveniently let it slip their slippery minds.

So, you can pretend there is peace between you and them, but there ain't any. There are just lulls between the surprise attacks.

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