Coercion of a Woman is Abuse
...and the courts are finally catching up.
Wanted to add some thoughts from around the web about attitudes towards women, commitment, abuse, coercion and what happens when one uses others.
(WARNING: STRONG SEXUAL LANGUAGE):
Excerpt from a post on the harm of pornography and the expectations men have of women and women have of themselves, sexually:~~~~~~~~~~
1. currently a lot of porn hurts women in its production... if you use porn and it isn't drawn or written, there is a good chance your porn is NOT "eco-friendly," so don't kid yourself. deep throat, arguably the most mainstreamed porno ever, involved rape and abuse... i would hazard a guess and say that MOST porn involves some degree of coercing women, abusing women, and/or taking advantage of the prior abuse of women so even if you think that porn consumption has no negative effect on women, porn production very definitely has a negative effect on women. if you boycott shampoo that is tested on animals, you should probably be avoiding pornography.
2. the psychological effects of porn aren't limited to reinforcing misogyny, entitlement and resentment of non-submissive, non-acquirable women... there's also that really obvious effect, something that i think the conversations i have tend to skip over these days because it's practically passe to talk about this, but anyway i'm talking about the false expectations it creates even in people who aren't outright misogynistic. it feeds ridiculous expectations of what women's bodies are like, of course, and this is something we talk a lot about with respect to advertising and young girls and such; but it affects older women too, and not just our ideas about our weight. breasts, of course, are a big one when it comes to porn; tons of actresses have fake ones...
....playboy-style porn is becoming more and more mainstream, it's not that surprising that so many women are so insecure about their genitals. anyway, but it's not even just the weird expectations about what we're supposed to look like. porn shapes expectations of what SEX is like, and how we're supposed to *behave*.
was i really supposed to wail like a siren or shout obscenities? was i really supposed to have an orgasm as soon as a guy shoved his **** in me? was i really supposed to have an orgasm, at all, from *****? ...ohmigod was i DEFECTIVE? etc. was i really supposed to get rid of my pubic hair? was i really supposed to go THAT far down on a guy? if i didn't do any of these things, would i be weird -- or would i be letting somebody down?
it's pretty apparent to me that my first sexual relationship included some expectations, or at least strong suggestions for desires, that came straight out of porn. i never said anything -- because what are you going to say? -- but my suspicion put me in a weird position, because i silently felt that if i didn't ****/ **** /pose/whatever like a porn star, sex would be a disappointment. and i didn't want our sex life to be disappointing, did i?
...as a young woman i would have been better off not internalizing what pornography suggested women are like in bed ("bed" being almost 100% metaphorical, of course), with my sandbox for finding out what sex is really like already colored by those same suggestions.
3. similar to that, i think porn stunts your sexual imagination. i think the repeated use of porn limits your own, organic capacity to imagine what sex could be like. you might think that it gives you new ideas, but even when it's doing that in terms of verbs ("i've never seen a girl do THAT before!"), it's drawing a line around "what sex is like", that is, in terms of adjectives, in terms of dynamics. the biggest thing is that pretty much all porn, to a greater or lesser extent, replicates or exaggerates male domination, transfering it onto the sexual encounter in ways that become an unquestioned basis rather than an added element like all the others.
all of this is not to say that i am positive pornography can never be acceptable. i'm not. i think in a much better, much less misogynistic world porn would not be so harmful, though i am not sure if it would be free of all of the various things that make it harmful. i'm open to the possibility, although in the meantime the whole industry is very, very fucked up and i'm not convinced it's worth holding out hope for.
....it's so ****ed up when the majority of men we know do not appear to want to rape women or **** on their faces or **** them in the *** until they cry. #4. if porn is actually harmless like people say it is, then the industry should do just fine. if it isn't, victims can be compensated and try to prevent the harm from being repeated in the future. unfortunately, the movement had some unsavory bedfellows, namely republican conservatives who were not known for their defense of sexual expression, were trying to prevent sex shops from opening in their neighborhoods and attracting a clientele of undesirables, and had been just as much in favor of obscenity laws (as well as zoning laws intended to that effect) as of this latest strategy... even i know that if right-wingers are jumping into bed with you it's time to adjust your strategy.
SOURCE
(Since I have had practically all these things done to me I thought it would be informational to include them here:)
Have You Kissed The Girls... And Made Them Cry?
by Gillis Triplett
(excerpts:)
There was a time when men protected their daughters from heathens, hustlers, players, predators, pimps, dawgs, and other indiscriminate males.
There was a time when men honored women and knighthood, chivalry, and nobleness of character were the rule of thumb amongst men.
Since that mindset has shifted, many men are responsible for inflicting women with some severely damaging psychological scars, physical pain and emotional trauma. Have you ruined any female’s life? Have you caused any females to have deep emotional problems?
Before you answer those questions, read this and take the damage assessment test…
One of my best friends in high school,(I’ll call him Mike) grew up in a single-family home. Mike never knew his dad, and his mother was wantonly promiscuous. All three of her children were born out of wedlock… to different men. She raised them to follow in her footsteps. Her two daughters were versed at using their beauty and bodies to manipulate men. The three women would tell Mike all of the time that he was going to be a heartbreaker and they trained him how to be one.
They showed Mike how to seduce women and how to gain control of a woman’s emotions. Although he was still in high school, Mike had become a master of seduction! When I saw how the girls swooned over him, my mind was made up… I wanted to be like Mike! He agreed to school me on the rudiments of being a player.
Me and countless others boys always wondered what Mike said to these girls to get them to fall in love with him and to have sex with him. I sincerely thought he was going to show me some super smooth moves and give me some dazzling words to say. Instead, the only thing he taught me was how to be a liar! He told me to lie about everything: my age, the grade I was in, and anything I could think of to convince a female to have sex with me!
He showed me how to instantly get a girl’s attention and how to look a girl in the eyes and say,“I love you,” even though I didn’t love her. He instructed me on how to evade her or break-up with her after I got into her panties. He showed me other tactics such as how to turn a virgin out, how to manipulate girls and how to date two or three females at the same time.
After he was all said and done, I no longer want to be like Mike.
From Protectors To Predators... From Princes to Pimps
Multitudes of males in our society are like Mike… they have been indoctrinated to be predators rather than protectors, playa players and pimps rather than princes, and knights in pining armor rather than Knights in shining armor. These males have even arrogantly crept into the church pews! It was a common thing for Mike to prey upon and then seduce untrained church girls. After he stole their virginity and broke their hearts, he would laugh and giggle about his destructive sexual exploits. When we graduated from high school, I lost contact with Mike, but the females whose lives he stained with his presence, I still see every now and then. Some of them never recovered.
Mike never looked back to see if he had impregnated any of those girls. He never checked upon them to see if any of them had aborted his child, or contracted a sexually transmitted disease from him. He never cared if he caused any of them to be heartbroken, depressed, bitter, vengeful or suicidal. To Mike, it was all fun and games. Sex was just a sport and females were his trophies. Since being in the ministry, my path has crossed countless women who have been wounded, scarred, and damaged by males like Mike. How do these females react to being exploited, dismissed, dumped, kicked to the curb, used and abused? The answer may alarm you…
"Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned"? Justified?
Many of them react by exacting systematic and methodical vengeance against the male gender. Have you noticed the eerie trend?
Follow it closely:
- More and more females are brazenly filing false rape charges. They agreed to consensual sex, but afterwards, they felt exploited. For some women, that feeling is so sickening that they retaliate by using the District Attorney, a Grand Jury and the Police Department as their personal whipping stick.
- More and more females are blatantly committing Paternity Fraud. The figures emerging from this crime are frightening. One third of all men who take DNA paternity tests, turn out not to be the biological father of the child. In most states, even after DNA tests prove two key points:(1) he is not the baby’s daddy, and (2) the mother perjured herself on the paternity affidavit, the current law allows these females to continue collecting child support payments. The defrauded men are threatened… pay her or go to jail! I have sat in paternity fraud trials and watched these women smirk at the men they successfully booby trapped.
- More and more females are using the divorce court and family court as their weapons of chastisement against the male gender. These bitter females go father shopping for disposable dads. They find nice men, marry them, have children by them and in one fail swoop, they take his home, children, cars and cash without any semblance of a conscience. This is truly a hideous act of feminine vengeance. These females have made their minds up… they are going strip a man of everything to get payback for the males who stripped them of their virginity, dignity and self-esteem.
- More and more mothers are abusing or cold-bloodedly murdering their children and leaving their husbands, boyfriends and lovers stupefied.
- More and more good women are being diagnosed with severe emotional problems, clinical depression, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder.
- More and more good women are suffering from the psychological, emotional and physical effects of having an abortion.
- To their own detriment, more and more women are engaging in wanton promiscuity.
- More and more women are committing acts of domestic violence and becoming suicidal.
What would you uncover after investigating their background, family life, sexual history, and Relationship Resume?
Overwhelmingly, you would find that the source of their vengeance and troubles stems from issues related to exploitation, abuse, domestic violence, rape, abortion, promiscuity, ruptured relationships, failed marriages and fatherlessness. These are acts that took place at the hands of certain men.
Can you blame them?
Some women are just like some men, they have a rebellious heart and what happened to them was an intentional self-inflicted wound. But the majority of the issues that women face, stems from encounters they have had with men who either:
(a) did not understand true manhood, or,
(b) they altogether rejected their duties as a man.
Have you caused a female to suffer psychological damage, left her with any emotional scars, or inflicted her with any physical wounds? To answer those questions you must take the Damage Assessment Test. A simple,“yes,” or “no,” answer will do.
Damage Assessment Test
Did you…
- Steal her virginity, (you were the first one to have sex with her outside of marriage)?
- Pressure, coerce, talk her into or manipulate her into having sex?
- Talk, persuade, coerce or force her to have an abortion?
- Talk, persuade, coerced or force her to have a miscarriage?
- Get her pregnant and then abandon her?
- Have sex with her when she was a minor?
- String her along with the promise of marriage or relationship and then dump her?
- Enlist her to become your casual sex partner, booty call, cybersex partner or hook-up?
- Have sex with her and then shun, dump, or dismiss her?
- Have sex with her and then vanish from her life?
- Have sex with a prostitute, call girl or otherwise paid a female for sex?
- Tell her that you loved her, but you didn’t love her?
- Take advantage of her when she was vulnerable emotionally?
- Threaten her or her family with abuse or violence?
- Commit an act of abuse against her?
- Lure, seduce or talk her into a dead-end relationship or affair?
- Recruit, seduce or trick her to reveal her nakedness to other males?
- Use derogatory words/phrases about her or blame her for what happened, after you exploited her?
- Marry her and then display immaturity, infidelity, or irresponsibility?
- Toy with her emotions by making false promises, vows or oaths?
- Patronize a strip club, brothel or any other venue that exploits women?
- Purchase, use, distribute or view any form of pornography?
- Esteem yourself as a player, playboy, john, lothario, lover, etc.?
Are you Man or a Male?
1. A man does not carry a grudge. A male looks for ways to get even.
2. A man takes every opportunity to better himself. A male complains that he has to stay where he is.
3. A man gives to his community. A male takes from his community.
4. A man is measured by his character. A male is measured by his sex drive.
5. A man is a protector of women in general, and committed to one woman in particular. A male views women as chattel, and is not truly committed to any one woman (even if he's married).
6. A man is secure in his Manhood, and is striving to help other Men realize that same security. A male is not secure in his Manhood, and uses the gun, knife, club or pipe to tear down other individuals.
7. A man has established a firm relationship with God, church/ temple, and other godly men. A male uses the church/ temple for his own gain, shuns true godly council and training, and seeks God only when trouble comes.
Have you failed or refused to be a protector?
Have you kissed the girls and made them cry?
You took the damage assessment test, how much damage are you responsible for?
When you look in the mirror of life, do you resemble Mike?
Have you stolen a female’s virginity, left her pregnant and alone, or forced her to get an abortion?
Have you toyed with a woman’s emotions?
Have you demoralized any woman by loving her and then leaving her?
Have you participated in degrading and devaluing women by patronizing strip clubs, prostitutes or viewing pornography?
You need to make restitution where needed. To your wife/partner, to all the women you hurt you need to come clean and you need to fully own and admit what you did to everyone.
Comments
I hope all women read this and listen and learn the insights here.