The Sin of Omission
Talking about the abuse you endured helps get it out of the dark and into the light - where it 'disinfects.' It connects you to everyone else. It gets it 'out of your head' and stops driving you crazy. You start to see that you are not alone, you start to take back your dignity & selfhood.
I do NOT mean revenge or ruining someone's life either. I don't mean malicious gossip. I mean TELLING THE TRUTH. Protecting others from being hurt by the abuser, as well as validating that you in NO WAY did anything to 'ask for' or 'go along with' or 'deserve' the abuse.
And maybe - you will stop the abuser long enough to admit & see that their behavior has harmed others - and get help for their actions.
Healing is an ONGOING process. Anyone who tells you you're bad for talking about it, to "get over it", to "move on", to "let it go", that they will 'say nasty things about you too' or in any other way tries to minimize or shut you up? Is RE- ABUSING YOU. (yes, even a therapist can RE-ABUSE you by telling you to "move on.")
This powerful post by Cristine, a rape victim - drives this point home.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. Last year, in an effort to acknowledge and raise awareness, I posted an open letter to my elected governmental officials. This year I wasn't exactly sure what to post. But today, my uncertainty gave way and I realized exactly what I needed to write - another letter. Only this time, I've written it to the Ones I have, for a long time, envisioned came after me. The Ones that may have been raped by the same man I was - in part - because I failed to report his crime.
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An Open Apology.... To The Ones Who May Have Come After Me
To the Ones that Came after Me,
I don't even know if you exist. I just know that my heart is overcome by grief for you today. In 1991, I came face to face with evil and did nothing to stop it from later getting a hold of you.
We walked the same path, you and I, though at different times in history. He was out there, walking that path, too. Looking for me. Looking for you. He found me, but he didn't have to find you.
Miles ahead of you I ran into him and his rage - I hit that stumbling block, tripped and fell so hard. The hours between my fall and my return to stable footing shook my world so bad that by the time it was over all I could do was... run. I never looked back.
I never saw you, though something deep inside told me that you were there, following that same path and headed for that same man. Something told me that if I did nothing, he would be free to cause you to stumble. And he did. But, back then, in my moment of decision, I only thought of preserving myself. When I was finally free, I ran and I never told anyone. I did nothing to make sure that no one else would ever have to trip over that same stumbling block. Nothing.
I can't justify this wrong. The fact will always remain that I let fear, shame and self-blame keep me from doing the right thing. When I should have been walking into a police department, I instead fell into my bed. And I slept and I slept. And before I knew it, the hours had passed and then the days had passed. And soon, the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months and now, here it is years later - too late. Too late for police reports, too late to save you and really, much too late for my apology... I get that.
God's word tells me that whenever we know the right thing to do and we choose not to do it - we have sinned. It's a sin of omission. A thing left undone. And I am haunted by my neglect, by my total disregard for you...
I should have done everything I could to lift that stumbling block from your path. Everything. But I did nothing and that nothingness left him free to thrust you into captivity. I am so, so sorry.
Please forgive me.
SOURCE: An Open Apology.... To The Ones Who May Have Come After Me
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