BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

by Kathy Krajco The victims of narcissists are relentlessly re-victimized by a rationale for blaming the victim called co-dependence. I am still waiting for some evidence or explanation to persuade me that there is such a thing, so I’m still open to the idea. But, sorry, I haven’t heard a single reason to think that there even is such a thing as co-dependence. So, I am very skeptical. I’ll share my reasons for that skepticism, not so much to persuade you as to give you reason for pause, some food for thought. Reason 1 I trust science, including medical science. But not blindly. I know science and have seen enough bad science to have no illusions about the integrity of scientists and doctors. I know that they are just people, as capable of dishonesty as any other people, that they herd, gaining up in groupthink. They mocked Louis Pasteur. They predicted the end of the world by now due to population explosion. They ignored the evidence in favor of a low carbohydrate diet for de

Writing has always been a personal passion. For years I didn't even dare really do it consistently in dread of bringing down the wrath of my ex who would pick apart and demean everything. When I was younger it was my mother - and I wouldn't write except when I had to because my diaries were opened and made fun of and journals became frustrating when I learned I had to edit myself to keep secrets. Teachers would read my words and evaluate them. But every day what we write & say is being evaluated by the hearts and minds of those who hear them, as well as the One who hears everything. I believe words have energy. In my Torah classes we often discuss how something was written, why it was used once or twice, how the sentence was constructed and its deeper meaning. No matter how many times we read passages, I still find something new in them. And Gematria breaks down the numerical value of words and names to their cosmic elements and energy. How we use language can

8th Yartzheit Ay'el malei rachamim shochayn bameromim ham'tzay menucha nechona al kanfay ha-sh'cheena be'maalot kedoshim ut'ho'rim k'zohar harakia mazhee'rim et nishmat Robert James C., Sr. sh'halach le'olamo b'Gan-Eayden tehay menuchato. Ana ba'al harachamim hastirayhu be'sayter kenafecha le'olamim ve'titzror bitz'ror hachayim et nishmato, Ado-noy Hu'nachalato ve'yaunach b'shalom al mishkavo v'nomar Amein. When you left, Dad - all the oxygen went out of the room. You filled up a place like no one else I have met, or may meet. You made mistakes just like we all do. But I am still very proud to be your daughter. Thank you for validating me, when no one else had the courage to. Thank you for understanding me or making the effort to, unconditionally, when no one else did. Until we see each other again. - Barbara

My counselors and therapists told me this over and over and over 7 years ago: DON'T KEEP TOXIC SECRETS I fought and argued with them repeatedly about this for a good 18 months or more, until the stark truth came to me. They were right. Secret keeping is TOXIC. I am not talking about privacy here. Things like your personal information, your intimate life and so on aren't this topic. This is about things that people try to shut you up about. Or things that you learned to be in active denial or 'cognitive dissonance' about. I went on many spiritual learning quests over the last 15 years or so. I have been twice to Sedona, Arizona for meditation and retreats. I've seen healers and spiritual teachers. I went to lectures at the Kabbalah Center. Lectures at the Open Center. While each and every one of these experiences was restorative and instructional, not one touched on the sickness that was eating away at my (and many other people's) personal founda

Unfortunately both my emotional and professional lives have been loaded with betrayals. Some were so horrific that they scarred me forever. I don't think I will ever understand why people I loved & cared about or people I worked hard for - decided I was the one to rip to shreds. Never. I will never understand ever what I did in my life to deserve the horrific abusive treatment I have received. But I do know I need to tell the truth in order to heal. Herewith is one of the earliest emotional betrayals I ever experienced. I have re-experienced this same type of trauma a couple other times in my life. The perpetrator never ever apologizes, gives closure or talks to you about it. And if you do tell the truth - you will be smeared and demonized for opening your mouth. Repetition Compulsion doesn't get easier, in fact - it gets exponentially worse each time. I never had a real date until I was near to my 17th birthday. I experienced early puberty and was very