BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

(for D., gone but not forgotten) (March 8, 1957 - January 1, 2000) Introduced by another sociopath I had the misfortune to know in November 1975, D. wielded svengali -like control over me for some time. After a while it was control by fear.  There was physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse.  But I covered it up - knowing no one back them would believe me thanks to D.'s smear campaigns.  Back then I knew nothing about sociopaths, brainwashing or trauma bonding. When we first met and he took me out he was very charming and came on VERY strong.  I found out later he didn't believe I had a boyfriend in high school. When he found out I did (t he boyfriend wrote me all the time and came to our college to visit me.  D ran into us in the college dining hall ) he freaked out. I later learned that D. had taken off with his parent's credit card for a motel in town (off-campus) and holed up there getting high and railing about me for 2 days when...

Unfortunately both my emotional and professional lives have been loaded with betrayals. Some were so horrific that they scarred me forever. I don't think I will ever understand why people I loved & cared about or people I worked hard for - decided I was the one to rip to shreds. Never. I will never understand ever what I did in my life to deserve the horrific abusive treatment I have received. But I do know I need to tell the truth in order to heal. Herewith is one of the earliest emotional betrayals I ever experienced. I have re-experienced this same type of trauma a couple other times in my life. The perpetrator never ever apologizes, gives closure or talks to you about it. And if you do tell the truth - you will be smeared and demonized for opening your mouth. Repetition Compulsion doesn't get easier, in fact - it gets exponentially worse each time. I never had a real date until I was near to my 17th birthday. I experienced early puberty and was very ...

FOR THOSE WHO TELL OTHERS TO "get over it" and/or "move on" - or that we are obsessed, out of control, etc.  It's not up to YOU when a victim moves on.  It's up to them in their own time and their own way! Talk about closed system of logic! ~~~~~~~~~ and its ABUSIVE to suggest that they should! Reality and Revictimization... (some changes made, for the original & updated version at a GREAT website see the link at the bottom of this post) Victim, survivor, victimology, victim abuse... why are victims being told to deny their reality? You have been methodically and diabolically abused and suddenly you hear "don't be a victim, choose to be a survivor." The concept that a victim can always consciously choose how to proceed, is wrong . The phrase, "move on with your life" is common. In a commanding, offhand and arrogant tone, those who have fought and lost a custody battle, their home, car and savings, family, job ...

by Michele Toomey, PhD At first glance one would imagine that abusive betrayal of love refers to having an affair. That is not my focus here, however. Affairs constitute a betrayal of love, but not necessarily an abusive one. I am placing the emphasis on abusive, and that cruel act must have deliberate meanness, indifference to the pain being inflicted, and more often than not, punishment as its intent. For betrayal of love to be abusive, it must have some or all of these traits. In this particular commentary, I would like to direct attention to the abuse that frequently occurs when a relationship ends. Usually only one person wants to end a relationship. The other is often heartbroken and devastated at the prospect of losing the one s/he loves. Obviously, a very vulnerable time for both, if both have integrity and are invested in each other. However, if the one terminating the relationship lacks integrity, the only vulnerable one is the one being left. Rejection is a stinging...

By Salynn Boyles The mysterious chronic pain condition fibromyalgia is widely thought of as a woman's disease, but new research suggests it is also common among men with posttraumatic stress disorder. In a study of male Israeli war veterans, half of the men with combat-related PTSD also had the tenderness and pain characteristic of fibromyalgia. The findings were reported today in Berlin at a European rheumatology meeting. There is a growing body of research linking posttraumatic stress and chronic pain, but the Israeli investigation is the first to limit its study population to males. "A consistent relationship has been seen between PTSD and chronic pain conditions like fibromyalgia," says psychologist John D. Otis, PhD, who is also studying the link. "The fact that the pain is often independent of the traumatic event leads us to believe that there is something else going on." Pain and Trauma While the cause of fibromyalgia remains unknown, the conditi...

This is what happens when abuse victims (ANY kind of abuse, and any religious or cultural background) are silenced!: By SUSAN EDELMAN and KIRSTEN FLEMING A Brooklyn newlywed who jumped to his death from a hotel balcony the night after his wedding was tormented by memories of being sexually molested as a Jewish student, sources say. After joyfully singing and dancing at their lavish celebration in Williamsburg on Nov. 3, Motty Borger, 24, bared his secret anguish to his bride, Mali Gutman, the next day -- and the revelation caused a strain, a source close to the family told The Post. "That entire day he discussed it with her. He told her the story of his life, how he felt so awful and he couldn't go near her," the source said. The couple had met just last July, after a matchmaker set them up. "When he got married, he realized he couldn't face up to it, and he told his wife that he needed help." The stunned bride responded, "So, why did you m...