BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

Not with an abusive pathological, it doesn't! Simple Case of Bad Guy Attacking Good Guy by Kathy Krajco Did you ever hear the saying "It takes two to Tango"? That's a common saying here in the United States, at least some parts of it. But I'll bet every language has a figure of speech that means the same thing. It takes two to Tango: That's what you're supposed to say when gossipping about interpersonal problems between two other people. The only interest is in coming to agreement with your gossips on who is to blame for it. Because then you are bestowing judgement on people, and that feels good. The doctrine firmly to be believed is that, no matter what the bad guy did, the good guy is partly to blame. I think this is construed as (of all things) "fairness" = unfairly (arbitrarily) placing blame on a person without one bit of evidence - just this almost religiously held slogan "It takes two to Tango." As in the ballroom danc...

Narcissism is a normal feature of human development. All human beings are born narcissistic. Narcissism is experiencing life in such a way that the real, external world is experienced as unreal, with the self alone as real. The narcissistic person does not accept that the real world has autonomous existence and is populated with real independent human beings; rather, all is some construction of their own mind, experienced only in terms of their own thoughts and feelings, hopes and desires. And when the real world demands some response, they either fail to respond, disconnecting themselves from it, or respond solely in terms of themselves. Narcissism is universal in primitive cultures. Human social evolution is the gradual overcoming of narcissism. The universality of narcissism as an aspect of psychological development is due to the fact that all human beings are conscious. The self, which is to a person the most important thing in existence, is not a fixed entity, since it is cr...

Just found another news article to illustrate something I always say!: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PUT ON THE INTERNET! EVEN STUFF YOU THINK IS ANONYMOUS OR POSTED PRIVATELY ON A CLOSED BOARD OR FORUM. A couple years ago someone accused me of PURPOSELY putting them on a porn aggregator; along with a lot of twisted statements & smears about me. I have to laugh because this post itself will probably end up on a porn aggregator. WHY? Because web spiders from a variety of aggregators are combing the net all the time for certain word or phrase combinations. Just the words "sex" or "porn" are going to get you put alongside some disgusting, salacious and truly depraved stuff. The person who made this accusation had made rude sexual references about me online. Including threats of physical harm against me. They did this themselves. And this is the net. When you do that? Sh*t happens. In the early 90s I worked for a ( not short enough ) time at a small office on the East ...

by Andy Barr Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh and televangelist Pat Robertson are being scolded for their comments in the immediate aftermath of an earthquake in Haiti that has killed tens of thousands, according to early estimates. Critics from both the left and right are denouncing their remarks as insensitive to the disaster and attempts to score political points off human tragedy. Speaking on his radio show Wednesday, Limbaugh said the earthquake has played into Obama’s hands, allowing the president to look “compassionate” and “humanitarian” while at the same time bolstering his standing in both the “light-skinned and dark-skinned black community in this country.” He added: “We've already donated to Haiti. It’s called the U.S. income tax.” Limbaugh’s comments were, in part, a riff on Sen. Harry Reid’s (D-Nev.) much publicized remark in a new book that Obama was able to win the election because he is “light-skinned” and lacks a “Negro dialect.” But regardless of the intende...

(Remember: October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month) I will keep saying as long as I can type and have breath in my body. Victims need to tell. Victims need to talk about it. The only way they move forward, heal and get validation is to tell. Not 'get over it' or 'just forget about it' or "move on" but to tell and be heard. I have yet to meet a victim that was only interested in revenge. Yes, the thought crosses their minds but I talk them out of it easily. Why? Because for the most part - they want some sort of closure. Closure they won't get from their abuser(s). Usually because the abuser is too busy projecting , blame-shifting and trying to paint themselves (and sometimes their families) as the 'injured party. ' And abusers see themselves as entitled and above reproach. No, the overriding reason I hear for victims to tell - is the hope that the abuser will GET HELP. While the chances of a person who sees nothing wrong with usin...

Survivors of abuse often have to deal with feelings of shame. There is an important difference between shame and guilt, and that is the key to dealing with shame effectively . Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary defines shame as "the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another." And yes, it is a painful feeling, and is very common among survivors of abuse . For our discussion, we'll make some simplifications. Guilt is an emotion and a legal concept that belongs to the perpetrator, the initiator of an act of abuse . Shame is an emotion that afflicts the victim, the recipient of an act of abuse. Obviously, the perp should feel shame as well as guilt, but often feels neither, so we'll leave that out of this discussion. We'll talk about how victims can deal with shame. Even if you have worked hard to deal with guilt, and have assigned guilt to the person who abused you...

(Written by Maria De Santis of the Women’s Justice Center, Santa Rosa, CA) There’s a seemingly simple little exercise we’ve done dozens of times at workshops on violence against women. The usual responses, however, are anything but simple. They’re confounding and cause for concern. Recently we repeated the exercise with a conference room full of 70 social workers, advocates, therapists, and mental health workers. “Why don’t some domestic violence victims leave the relationship,” we ask? “Call out the reasons!” The answers, as always, come fast and freely. “Because she doesn’t think she can make it on her own.” “Not enough money to feed the children.” “She feels obligated to her marital vows.” “It’s learned helplessness.” “She doesn’t believe she deserves better.” “She doesn’t know where to go.” “She wants the children to have a father.” etc. I jot down the familiar list until the group exhausts their thoughts. And there, again, is the enigma. How, at this date, with this group, - with...

First - I believe Global Warming is real. WHY? Because I love to garden. And that puts me in direct contact with plants, growth cycles, the soil - and I can see FOR MYSELF what is happening because of changes in the weather. Second, I have talked a lot on this blog that I am obese. I recently learned that I have to have major surgery at the end of May for the removal of PCOS related growths that I have had for a number of years which have caused my belly to distend and make me appear fatter than I am. So there ARE reasons other than being a food addict for being fat. Third, all this fat-hatred , the 'better dead than fat' attitude of society and the centerfold syndrome that most males suffer from disgusts me. What ever happened to seeing a person as a PERSON? Not a body, or parts, or pictures, or words on a screen - a HUMAN BEING. To me, seeing someone as an object makes the beholder THE PROBLEM - not the person being judged and criticized. OBESITY, CAUSE OF GLOBAL W...