BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

As I have said here repeated, I am healing myself; though it will always be ongoing. Even disabled, my overgrown sense of responsibility tells me I need to do some small thing to contribute to society in a positive way. As someone I respect said "service to others is the payment for living here on Earth ." I am also doing teshuva towards others I may have harmed (since I have been blocked from working it out with any of them directly) by working with victims of Domestic Violence and running a blog on the subject. I work mostly with non-physical forms of abuse: Verbal, Emotional, Online or Psychological. Abuse that is almost impossible to see and even harder to get at and often scars permanently. This month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Aside from my political babbling, I am going to post about abuse. I hope you take the time to read these posts, pass them on and, if you need help - you can email me privately and I will try to point you in the right dire...

For the women I counsel ... by Michele Toomey, PhD Abuse that begins in childhood takes the highest toll. Children are just forming their view of the world, their sense of who they are in relation to the world, and where the power lies. Abused girls tend to learn that they are unworthy and have little or no power and that the bullies are superior and have all the power. Some abused girls react rebelliously and counterattack, becoming abusers themselves, but they are the minority. Either way, childhood abuse takes a toll that has a lifetime effect. The most devastating toll is the self-abuse that evolves out of being abused. Children think they deserve the abuse, and they turn on themselves. Instead of learning how to live intimately and at one with themselves, in keeping with the integrity they were born with, they are at war with themselves, violating themselves and their integrity. They learn to say to themselves the abusive words and phrases that have been directed at them. They for...

Verbal abuse triggers adult anxiety, depression by Jill Elish A new study by Florida State University researchers has found that people who were verbally abused as children grow up to be self-critical adults prone to depression and anxiety. People who were verbally abused had 1.6 times as many symptoms of depression and anxiety as those who had not been verbally abused and were twice as likely to have suffered a mood or anxiety disorder over their lifetime, according to psychology Professor Natalie Sachs-Ericsson, the study's lead author. "We must try to educate parents about the long-term effects of verbal abuse on their children," Sachs-Ericsson said. "The old saying about sticks and stones was wrong. Names will forever hurt you." Sachs-Ericsson co-authored the study, published in the Journal of Affective Disorders, with FSU psychology Professor Thomas Joiner and researchers from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and the University of North Caroli...

AN IN-DEPTH VIEW I am snipping this from my friend, Helen's blog . There was recently another chance for my ex to attempt a tactic called HOOVERING . Stopping by to see the kids I was treated to a gift, an offer to take me out to dinner and declarations that he still loved me, didn't understand why I left... I didn't even bother to remind him that he pushed me out of his life, verbally - emotionally- sexually abused me (and its documented), that he still tries to financially abuse me via the kids. Telling me what a wonderful woman I am, how pretty I still am and how missed is all nice - but I don't fall for things like that anymore. He was not pleased when I said "no" reminded him that I didn't love him anymore and hadn't for about 9 years and walked away. He is now pushing the kids away by bad-mouthing me to them; which I don't do to him. Children are not dumb. Abusers never ever care about the reality of their behavior. As my counselor expl...

You may be a victim of domestic violence (also known as interpersonal partner abuse) if you have some or all of the following characteristics: 1. Over functioning or overachieving : You may tend to take on more than a reasonable share of responsibilities. You may have a high need to please others. Your abuser's failure to accept responsibility for the abuse forces you to compensate for his/her behavior. 2. Feeling powerless : You may feel as though you have no control over your life. You may be immobilized by fear and feel that you "have to take it." Decisions about family, friends, and activities are based on how the abuser will react. 3. Feelings of guilt or shame : You may feel guilty over failure of a relationship. This is often reinforced by the abuser who blames the victim for all that goes wrong. Guilt over failure may be accompanied by shame for "putting up" with the abuse. 4. Continuous hope : You maintain hope for positive change in the ab...