BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

I don't believe in unconditional forgiveness. If that makes me a b*tch, then I am a b*tch. Forgiveness can ONLY be an ongoing process between victim and someone they've hurt. You can not forgive the unrepentent. Some things you can not forgive. The whole "forgiveness" movement makes my stomach churn. They deny the long term effects of abuse, even subtle abuse and try to make the victim feel even worse. It's sickening and its wrong. I am open to truth and honest dialog between myself and anyone who has hurt me or anyone I have hurt. The formers usually dig in its heels like a 6 year old and dismisses me out of hand painting me as "crazy" (because I believe we all owe each other accountability). The latter would rather hate & smear than have actual dialog. Still, I have done both with a couple people and do believe in restorative justice. Does that make me nasty or unable to "get past it"? No. It means I have enough self-esteem now ...

"It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of the pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering. ...In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the perpetrator's first line of defense. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens. To this end, he marshals an impressive array of arguments, from the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalization. After every atrocity one can expect to hear the same predictable apologies: it never happened; the victim lies; the victim exaggerates; the victim brought it on herself; and in any case ...

Abusers must be reported. It is a “hilul hashem,” a moral desecration, of God’s name and of the Ten Commandments, for a Jewish individual not to report suspicions of abuse or immoral and illegal behavior. MY PERSONAL THANKS TO THESE WHO SPEAK OUT, EVEN AT THEIR OWN PERIL (OFTEN MALIGNED AND SLANDERED) - AND TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT ABUSE OF ANY KIND IN THE JEWISH COMMUNITY: JEWISH WOMEN INTERNATIONAL (I am proud to be affiliated with this organization) THE UNORTHODOX JEW JEWISH SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ABUSE THE AWARENESS CENTER JSAFE AGUNAH INTERNATIONAL CANADIAN AWARENESS OF ABUSE IN THE JEWISH COMMUNITY When Scandal Hits Home By Gary Rosenblatt Hadassah Magazine Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people; neither shalt thou stand idly by the blood of thy neighbor" (Leviticus 19:16). How does a Jewish journalist respond when his personal preference to protect, if not praise, the Jewish community conflicts with his professional instinct to pursue a major investigativ...