BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

My counselors and therapists told me this over and over and over 7 years ago: DON'T KEEP TOXIC SECRETS I fought and argued with them repeatedly about this for a good 18 months or more, until the stark truth came to me. They were right. Secret keeping is TOXIC. I am not talking about privacy here. Things like your personal information, your intimate life and so on aren't this topic. This is about things that people try to shut you up about. Or things that you learned to be in active denial or 'cognitive dissonance' about. I went on many spiritual learning quests over the last 15 years or so. I have been twice to Sedona, Arizona for meditation and retreats. I've seen healers and spiritual teachers. I went to lectures at the Kabbalah Center. Lectures at the Open Center. While each and every one of these experiences was restorative and instructional, not one touched on the sickness that was eating away at my (and many other people's) personal founda...

The press will never get it, because it sells papers. A woman betrays a man and she's a HORRIBLE WHORE, SCUM , a COMPLETE SLUT. But a man betrays a woman - AND she becomes outraged and goes into a mental tailspin? He might be a CHEATER or DIRTBAG but she's a PSYCHO, SCORNED WOMAN, BUNNY BOILER, OUT OF CONTROL, STALKER , a NUTJOB . Just as the misogyny of the Obots shut down Hillary's rightful chances at the Presidency, misogyny still rules the day because women ARE NOT ENTITLED TO BE ANGRY. Especially when abused & used in interpersonal relationships. Nope, we women are supposed to take it. To women who were taught that it is unladylike to express anger, the presumably therapeutic yelling and cursing of the current let-it-all-hang-out generation is often shocking. But now a major new study has strongly suggested that both the old style of keeping anger in and the newer tendency to release it explosively are equally poor ways of expressing this fundamental ...

Cluster B Personality Disorders ( Sociopathy/Moral Insanity , Narcissism , Borderline , etc) are some of the embodiments of evil , in my opinion. Yes, its a mental illness - genetic or acquired, I am not sure which - but that is no reason to feel sorry. For instance, one of my favorite Cluster B targets - Obama - showed his true colors in the last year or so. Actually to anyone like me who's spent a lifetime being victimized by these people and then BLAMED when I speak the truth or stand up for myself - the subtle stuff becomes very very obvious. The pain of being hurt by one of these people? It takes forever, if at all, to heal from. They reach down your throat and yank your soul out at the root. And they laugh at how gullible you were and how it was 'partly your fault anyway.' Projection, minimizing, whitewashing, spin-doctoring. Sigh... how about the truth from these people? Nah - too much work and no fun for them & their superiority complexes. Ever wh...

Any of my readers know I am against blanket forgiveness. Forgiveness without the repentance of the person who hurt you - or you repenting to those you've hurt - is nothing. It's a "get out of jail free" card that will do nothing to heal the emotional, spiritual and psychological rift. It's bullpocky that I reject completely. Though your anger at someone else - does start to eat at your very soul. When I am completely disgusted & disappointed in someone - eventually I feel nothing. They become dead to me. Or, like my ex, his abuse numbed me to the point of feeling nothing but cordiality towards him. And a desire to work with him as politely as I could for the welfare of our children. But nothing else. No desire for revenge. Not hate or anger... just indifference. I abhor any ahavah ha-t'luyah b'davar : "love that is conditional." This is love that treats the other person or you, as an object. True love is unconditional because the oth...

from: Michele Toomey, PhD Violating Anger Has a twist Manipulates the truth Has a hidden agenda Attacks to hurt Blames and proves "guilt" Is a weapon Seeks to discredit the other as a person Has no accountability Hides behind innocence Is righteously superior Assumes another's motives Needs a villain Refuses to claim anything Seeks to punish Uses information to make a case against the other Fears exposure Leads to abuse Alienates and violates Liberating Anger Is straight Seeks the relief of honest self-expression Wants to discover the truth Expresses the hurt and anger Confronts Is a tool Seeks to expose Demands accountability Chooses not to hide Is adamant Never assumes motives Rejects villains Claims its part Determines consequences for itself Uses information for clarity/understanding Values exposure Leads to intimacy Liberates Because anger has such force and potential for violence, it needs to be treated with great discipline and respect. Uncontrolled anger is danger...

The Talmudic text we study here grapples with the meaning of the following three verses. The first verse appears in the Mishnah and the other two verses appear the Gemara. Before you start to read the Mishnah, take a look at these three verses and ponder what new idea each one gives you. Exodus 22:20 You shall not aggrieve a stranger or oppress him, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt Leviticus 25:14 When you sell property to your neighbor, or buy any from your neighbor, you shall not aggrieve one another Leviticus 25:17 Do not aggrieve one another, but fear your God; for I am the Lord your God Now witness how the Talmud through its close reading learns different things from each of these verses. Babylonian Talmud Bava Metziya 58b-59a Mishnah: Just as [it is illicit] to aggrieve someone in business, it is also [illicit to] aggrieve someone with words. One should not say, "How much does this item cost" if he does not mean to purchase it. If a person had once led a sinf...

When you are told you have cancer, the diagnosis affects not only you, but also your family and friends. You may feel scared, uncertain, or angry about the unwanted changes cancer will bring to your life and theirs. You may feel numb or confused. You may have trouble listening to, understanding, or remembering what people tell you during this time. This is especially true when your doctor first tells you that you have cancer. It is not uncommon for people to shut down mentally once they hear the word "cancer." There is nothing fair about cancer and no one "deserves" to have it. A cancer diagnosis is hard to take and having cancer is not easy. When you find out you have cancer, your personal beliefs and experiences help you figure out what the diagnosis means to you and how you will handle it. As you face your own mortality and cope with the many demands of cancer, you may look more closely at your religious beliefs, your personal and family values, and what's mo...

The Zohar says that when one is angry it is tantamount to idol worship. Why is a burst of anger judged so seriously? One who trusts and truly believes that G-d not only created everything but that He also is in complete control of every last detail of world events will not get angry. If something doesn't meet one's satisfaction one must accept because it is the will of our Creator. If something goes wrong it was caused by G-d. If someone is behaving in a way that upsets he or she is merely a messenger from the Lord. So if one reacts with temper one is in effect saying” I do not believe!"- Raymond J Beyda What makes narcissists switch into Mean Mode - Kathy Krajco If you have grown up in a home with a narcissistic parent (and perhaps also a narcissistic sibling) , this may be a revelation to you. Ask yourself what he or she was mad at you about the last time they made you feel like dirt. I bet you can't say. Think back. I bet you can't say what they were ev...

Before resting its recent case against Mohammed Momin Khawaja under Canada’s Anti-Terrorism Act, the prosecution presented Momin’s former fiancée, Zeba Khan, as the final witness via a video link from Dubai. Ms. Khan reportedly stated in her testimony: “You will not meet a young Muslim man in the world who is not angry about something. Anyone who watches the news, if he wasn’t mad then, a) there’s something wrong with him, or b) he’s ignorant.” Obviously, not all angry young Muslim men are engaging in violence — nor, of course, are all Muslims terrorists. But many terrorists are found to be Muslims. Ms. Khan’s remark purports to explain the linkage. It is perhaps no coincidence that Mr. Khawaja has Pakistani roots. In recent years, Pakistan has become a haven for al-Qaeda terrorists. For longer than that, jihadis have recruited Pakistani boys and men to fight in Kashmir and Afghanistan. These brainwashed men may be volunteers headed out to fight infidel “invaders” and “occupiers” of Mu...

by Steven Stosn y The proliferation of blogs and emails may be partially responsible for the increase in anger of recent years. We can learn a lot about the emotions that motivate many blogs and emails, as well as reactions to them, from, believe it or not, a few observations of animals. Anger, for instance, is the fight part of the primitive fight/flight/freeze response common to all mammals. It functions primarily to protect self and juvenile offspring from harm. Activation of the fight/flight/freeze response requires a dual perception of threat and vulnerability. Animals respond to lesser threats with greater anger, fear, or submission (freeze) when they are wounded, starving, sick, or recently traumatized. The activation of fight over flight/freeze is determined by the annihilation potential of the threat. A raccoon will ferociously fight a rat to defend her newborn pups but not a cougar. Thus more anger is observed in powerful animals, which tend to be predatory. Powerful animals...

Hamas, Hezbollah, Islamofascists, The Religious Right, The Obama Administration or that person who harasses or harangues you offline or on. Bullies follow a pattern. A pattern that is a form of a personality disorder, of which the worst form is sociopathy. Sociopaths have no guilt, no shame, no empathy, nothing. They will stick by their closest friends and family (they have to because they need sycophants to bail them out all the time) and have no compassion for those they hurt. They only play-act as if they have human emotions (learned by watching others) because they can't feel. They don't have an anger problem - their problem is with YOUR anger. Heaven forbid you should be hurt or angry. If a sociopath raped someone, he'd be mad that she sought medical and legal attention. If a sociopath stole something, she'd be angry you called the police or even had the temerity to ask for your things back. If a sociopath hit you with their car, they'd be angry you rep...