BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

JUDAISM & ABUSE: EXPECTING BETTER This was written a few years back. Despite strides in educating leading rabbinic authorities it seems that nothing much has changed… not yet. Some are truly working on the problem and I beg them to keep working on it. Sometimes preserving a marriage AT ALL COSTS or allowing a manipulative man to make a woman an AGUNAH and then looking the other way - is NOT the way to go. Allowing the verbal & emotional abuse of children in the name of Torah and keeping it hush-hush for appearances is enabling the abuse! Loshen Hara can be a mitzvah if it stops an abuser from taking advantage of his family, his friends and the world at large. If You Beat Him He Will Not Die by Richard Silverstein A personal and theological meditation on child abuse As spiritual communities, it is enormously important that we provide grief work as part of the process of healing [from the effects of abuse]. At the same time, we have to take that lesson of choosing to...

Unfortunately both my emotional and professional lives have been loaded with betrayals. Some were so horrific that they scarred me forever. I don't think I will ever understand why people I loved & cared about or people I worked hard for - decided I was the one to rip to shreds. Never. I will never understand ever what I did in my life to deserve the horrific abusive treatment I have received. But I do know I need to tell the truth in order to heal. Herewith is one of the earliest emotional betrayals I ever experienced. I have re-experienced this same type of trauma a couple other times in my life. The perpetrator never ever apologizes, gives closure or talks to you about it. And if you do tell the truth - you will be smeared and demonized for opening your mouth. Repetition Compulsion doesn't get easier, in fact - it gets exponentially worse each time. I never had a real date until I was near to my 17th birthday. I experienced early puberty and was very ...

There is a pervasive way of thinking in our culture today that seeks to undermine women's fight for empowerment. Women are being attacked at every opportunity by messages designed to make them feel bad about themselves, in hopes that these women will then buy what the messenger is selling. At the Media Awareness Network , this problem is defined quite clearly: Why are standards of beauty being imposed on women, the majority of whom are naturally larger and more mature than any of the models? The roots, some analysts say, are economic. By presenting an ideal difficult to achieve and maintain, the cosmetic and diet product industries are assured of growth and profits. And it’s no accident that youth is increasingly promoted, along with thinness, as an essential criterion of beauty. If not all women need to lose weight, for sure they’re all aging, says the Quebec Action Network for Women’s Health in its 2001 report Changements sociaux en faveur de la diversité des images corpor...

For the women I counsel ... by Michele Toomey, PhD Abuse that begins in childhood takes the highest toll. Children are just forming their view of the world, their sense of who they are in relation to the world, and where the power lies. Abused girls tend to learn that they are unworthy and have little or no power and that the bullies are superior and have all the power. Some abused girls react rebelliously and counterattack, becoming abusers themselves, but they are the minority. Either way, childhood abuse takes a toll that has a lifetime effect. The most devastating toll is the self-abuse that evolves out of being abused. Children think they deserve the abuse, and they turn on themselves. Instead of learning how to live intimately and at one with themselves, in keeping with the integrity they were born with, they are at war with themselves, violating themselves and their integrity. They learn to say to themselves the abusive words and phrases that have been directed at them. They for...

A proposed law in France would make psychological violence in marriages and among cohabitating couples a criminal offense . Supporters say that if the law passes, it would be the first of its kind in the world. The bill's aim is to protect women from the verbal threats and intimidation that often lead to physical violence. But skeptics say verbal abuse is next to impossible to prove, and that the law would clog the courts with "he said, she said" cases. The proposed law covers every kind of insult, including repeated rude remarks about a partner's appearance, false allegations of infidelity and threats of physical violence. The French parliament is expected to approve the legislation in February, and the government says the law will be in place within six months. If convicted, violators could face fines or jail time. Some media reports have poked fun at the legislation, jibing that screaming at your wife could now make you a felon in France. But parliamentarian Martin...