BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

"It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of the pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering. ...In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the perpetrator's first line of defense. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens. To this end, he marshals an impressive array of arguments, from the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalization. After every atrocity one can expect to hear the same predictable apologies: it never happened; the victim lies; the victim exaggerates; the victim brought it on hers...

(Written by Maria De Santis of the Women’s Justice Center, Santa Rosa, CA) There’s a seemingly simple little exercise we’ve done dozens of times at workshops on violence against women. The usual responses, however, are anything but simple. They’re confounding and cause for concern. Recently we repeated the exercise with a conference room full of 70 social workers, advocates, therapists, and mental health workers. “Why don’t some domestic violence victims leave the relationship,” we ask? “Call out the reasons!” The answers, as always, come fast and freely. “Because she doesn’t think she can make it on her own.” “Not enough money to feed the children.” “She feels obligated to her marital vows.” “It’s learned helplessness.” “She doesn’t believe she deserves better.” “She doesn’t know where to go.” “She wants the children to have a father.” etc. I jot down the familiar list until the group exhausts their thoughts. And there, again, is the enigma. How, at this date, with this group, - with...

"It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of the pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering. ...In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the perpetrator's first line of defense. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens. To this end, he marshals an impressive array of arguments, from the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalization. After every atrocity one can expect to hear the same predictable apologies: it never happened; the victim lies; the victim exaggerates; the victim brought it on herself; and in any case ...

OMG! I am speechless. This is so blatantly pathological... the audacity! Soooooo... who's lying here? One guess! Blagojevich: I'm the victim of plot to raise taxes Launching an all-out media blitz as his impeachment trial draws near, Gov. Rod Blagojevich compared himself Friday to an honest, hardworking cowboy about to be lynched by a band of black-hatted political insiders eager to raise taxes. fter keeping mostly out of the public eye since his arrest on federal corruption charges, Blagojevich is reversing course with a series of interviews and public statements portraying himself as the victim of vengeful lawmakers eager to toss him out of office. Narcissists are the most horrific liars and they are outstanding at it. They can come up with the most elaborate stories at the drop of a hat and they are extremely convincing. They can also take the smallest scrap of information or the most insignificant incident and masterfully weave it into a major event. The wierdest thing is ...

Once you discover you are the victim of someone with a Cluster B disorder, like Destructive Narcissistic Pattern, it changes you. Forever. - You realize you meant nothing to that person. - You realize they used you for sex, fun & games, money. - You realize if they used you for sex (saying they 'loved' or 'cared' about you) they were just masturbating using your body & emotions. - You realize you can't trust them or yourself. - You realize if they were a friend, they probably used you to meet other victims or to springboard a personal agenda. - You realize everything you were told was a calculated lie. Now imagine if you have had at least 15 of these people as friends or lovers in your life. Now imagine if someone like this was one of your parents. So you were raised by one. (Usually takes a child of a narcissist until their 40s to see it, if at all) Now imagine if a bunch of them were in charge of the government of the country you lived in. What to expec...

The American Justice systems works... sometimes. But in cases like these its failed MISERABLY. Boilerplate adds to contracts have removed all RESPONSIBILITY from some corporations for actions of their employees. In this case, its a MILITARY CONTRACTOR who's getting away with rape; effectively screwing the victim twice. Tort reform my derriere. This is corporate America shafting the public and in this case, a MEMBER OF OUR MILITARY, once again. This is how we honor our men and WOMEN in uniform? Making them rape victims then pissing all over them when they say "ouch!"?? Just disgusting. Thanks to tort reform, closed-door arbitration instead of courtroom hearings are becoming more common. By Peggy Garrity Events in a federal district court in Texas last month should have provoked outrage across the country -- legal, judicial and moral outrage. A young American woman already denied the right to criminal justice in Iraq was insulted for a second time when a judge denied ...

Absolutely Disgusting! Ariel man poses as rabbi, rapes woman to ‘repair her soul’ Yonatan Bassa, 38, posed as Rabbi, forced woman seeking counseling to have sex in order to 'repair her soul'; defrauded her of $18,000 by Vered Luvitch The Tel-Aviv District Court charged 38-year-old Yonatan Bassa of Ariel with rape and committing an indecent act Tuesday, after the latter had sexually assaulted a woman who had turned to him for counseling while he had posed as a rabbi. The indictment states that Bassa would claim to be a rabbi and give Torah lesson to Jewish penitents, or ba’alei teshuvah, even though he was never ordained. In March 2007, he was approached by a woman who had asked for his guidance and help in returning to the Jewish faith. During this first meeting he asked the woman for money to ‘redeem her soul’, and instructed her to stop psychotherapy as well as all psychiatric medication. Bassa’s charge obediently stopped taking her prescribed psychiatric medication, an...

RAPE VICTIMS ARE "STUPID"... ...according to the judge in the article below. There is no doubt in my mind that our legal system is flawed. Far, far too often cases go untried, perpetrators uncharged because the police and/or the judges and D.A.s don't want to do anything. They are trying to keep things below the radar until the next election cycle. Or they don't care because the case isn't high profile enough. The Megan Meier MySpace Suicide case is a prime recent example. I know this because for a number of years, when I was a freelance paralegal, I spent a lot of time downtown, sitting in courtrooms waiting for moments with a judge or clerk to get papers signed or orders issued. I would see the impatience, the not-listening, the rudeness... and not always from the Defendants. Some judges would show up at 11am - take a 2 hour lunch at noon - and be gone by 3pm. Zoom! So much for jurisprudence. It just confirmed my decision not to go to law school after pas...

SAUDI RAPE/ LASHING CASE PROVOKES CALLS FOR REFORMS Anyone taking bets that this will happen? Or are we going to have another spate of fatwahs declared again those taking a stand? By RASHEED ABOU-ALSAMH The case of a 20-year-old woman who was sentenced to be lashed after pressing charges against seven men who raped her and a male companion has provoked a rare and angry public debate in Saudi Arabia, leading to renewed calls for reform of the Saudi judicial system. The woman, known here only as the Qatif girl because she comes from the Eastern town of that name, was initially sentenced to 90 lashes for being alone with a man to whom she was not married. Her outspoken human rights lawyer appealed the sentence and brought down the wrath of the court, which doubled the woman’s sentence and stripped her lawyer of his license to practice. The case is now being appealed to the kingdom’s highest court. Human rights activists said the treatment of the woman, the man who was raped with her and ...

CAN WE 'LABEL' THE INDIVIDUAL PSYCHE? When I was an actor I found human behavior fascinating. I still do. Sometimes I will watch television or a movie and really work on trying to 'get into the head' of one of the characters. Like Tony Soprano - a sociopath with a conscience. A study in opposites. I used to do this when I worked and I found many of the people around me terribly distrubing. I still do. The people I meet in my advocacy work often intrigue me. Unfortunately, I am so empathetic I feel far too deeply in many cases. I have been in and out of some sort of therapy since about 1980. I know, I'm a stereotype. It was a huge stigma in my family to go. I never told my parents I was going. Besides, my narcissistic parent would have thought I was talking about them all the time. I have been with my current main therapist for over 10 years. I like her and she 'grows' along with me in a very non-judgmental sort of way. I have had other therapist...