BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

It is therefore the universal Jewish custom – some time before Yom Kippur -- to apologize and seek forgiveness from any friends, relative, or acquaintances whom we may have harmed or insulted over the past year. REPENTANCE Repentance is predicated on wanting to stop the transgression. To achieve this, we must first analyze the dynamics of transgression. How does it happen? There are four stages in the process of transgression: Dormant Active Situation Transgression To illustrate, let's use the example of someone trying to stop smoking. The scene is a man sitting by his desk at the office doing work. He has a history of addiction to cigarettes and has been trying to stop smoking, unsuccessfully, for three months. Let's observe him and see what happens... DORMANT At first the urge for a cigarette is DORMANT. It can be activated at any time but at this point the craving for a cigarette is nothing more than potential energy. ACTIVE The door to our smoker's...

The Lessons of Yom Kippur I n the Jewish tradition of midrash, there is the expression "davar akheyr," which means "another thing," a story. Rabbis have always told stories as a central part of their teaching. So today, I will tell you a story. It's not my story. But I can relate. Instead, it's a true story from one of my very favorite storytellers, Anne Lamott. This one comes from her book Traveling Mercies. I've abridged it just a little, but it's called "Forgiveness." **** The fruit of forgiveness. Annie says that God was trying to tell her, trying to point out that if she could just step back and allow a little forgiveness into her way of seeing, things would change. It's like that, though, forgiveness. Usually, we have to be forced to give it a try. But whenever we do, for whatever reason we might do it, things change. They always change. Oh, other people might not change. But we change. Our experience of the world changes...

by Lori Palatnik Everyone makes mistakes. The Torah is filled with people -- great people -- who made mistakes. Moses himself made mistakes. He was not allowed to enter the Land of Israel because of them. Our forefathers and foremothers were human, made of flesh and blood. Indeed, what made them great was not that they led perfect lives, but that they learned from their mistakes. When they fell, they got up and continued on the path toward God. What does God want from us when we make mistakes? Teshuvah. The word teshuvah means "return." It is often mistranslated as "repentance." When we are asked by God to do teshuvah, we are asked by God to return. RETURNING TO THE FAMILIAR If you are flying "return" to Chicago, you leave your home and fly to Chicago. After you complete your stay, you use your return ticket to get on a plane to go back home. Returning means going back to somewhere you've been, somewhere familiar. Teshuvah means we return to the path...

As we approach Yom Kippur in this New Year, we need to think about forgiveness. There's an awful lot of New Age psychobabble out there about forgiving & releasing guilt. But I don't believe in forgiving when the offender hasn't asked for forgiveness, made amends to you and you and the offender have worked things out. That's restorative justice. There were some people I knew since I was a little girl that I now haven't spoken with in almost 25 years. Why? Because they expect me to forgive & forget without them saying "I'm sorry" or admitting what they'd done. I can't be a phony. I was a good actor when I was working but that was work. I never practiced acting as a type of deception. In fact what I felt was that it was either portraying reality or some truth in a way that your audience could understand. Even in comedy I relished taking truth and blowing it up so big you couldn't miss it. Truth and honesty always resonate with...

by David R. Blumenthal Teshuva (Repentance) Teshuvá is the key concept in the rabbinic view of sin, repentance, and forgiveness. The tradition is not of one mind on the steps one must take to repent of one's sins. However, almost all agree that repentance requires five elements: recognition of one's sins as sins (hakarát ha-chét'), remorse (charatá), desisting from sin (azivát ha-chét'), restitution where possible (peira'ón), and confession (vidúi). "Recognition of one's sins as sins" is an act of one's intelligence and moral conscience. It involves knowing that certain actions are sinful, recognizing such actions in oneself as more than just lapses of praxis, and analyzing one's motives for sin as deeply as one can. For example, stealing from someone must be seen not only as a crime but also as a sin against another human and a violation of God's demands of us within the covenant. It also involves realizing that such acts are part of deep...

Infinite Patience Rectifying Oneself; Rectifying Others It is indeed a great achievement to reach the genuineness to be able to discuss one's shortcomings frankly with his partner. But one must still take care to apply this objectivity only to his own lackings and problems, enlisting his partner's aid and support in rectifying them through prayer and self-refinement. With regard to judging (or condemning) the apparent shortcomings and misdeeds of an other, our sages have said, "Do not judge your fellow until you have reached his place" (Avot 2:4). Chassidut explains that since one can never really reach an other's "place," never fully understand the motivations (the "why," whether conscious or unconscious) behind his behavior, he is unable to judge him (Sefat Emet). Nonetheless, "until you have reached his place" implies that one should try to understand his fellow as best he can, to draw himself as close to his fellow's "pla...