Steps to Real Change
...for Abusive Persons ( this article uses the male gender, abusive personalities can also be female) 1. Admit fully to his history of ANY & ALL psychological, sexual and physical abusiveness. Denial and minimizing need to stop, including discrediting your memory of what happened. 2. Acknowledge that the abuse was wrong, unconditionally. He needs to identify the justifications he used, including the ways he blamed you or anyone else, and talk in detail about why his behaviors were unacceptable, without defending them. 3. Acknowledge that his behavior was a choice, not a "loss of control." 4. Recognize the effects his abuse has had on you and on your children, and show empathy for those. He needs to talk IN DETAIL about the impact that his abuse has had, including fear, loss of trust, anger, etc. And he needs to do this without feeling sorry for himself or talking about how hard the experience has been for him. 5. Identify in detail his pattern of controlling behaviors and...