BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

by Teresa McEntire There are many mothers in the world, both good and bad. I have seen mothers that I wish that I could be more like and those that I think should never have had children in the first place. But what exactly makes a woman a good mother? Anthropologist Margaret Mead has spent years studying children, parents, and the methods used by mothers raising children all over the world. When asked what she considered the most "valuable capacities for a mother to have." She replied by giving five qualities that she feels every good mother must possess. 1. Treats each child as an individual. A good mother realizes that every child is not the same. She understands that children are not just an extension of or born to be a helper for their parent, but that each child is an "individual in their own right." 2. A good mother helps their child set out on their own path . Allowing the child to follow that path, regardless of the mother's desires. Yet at...

Got this in email from a friend and felt it was worth sharing: This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, saying, "It's all right honey, Mommy's here." Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted. This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes. This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat. For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time." This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college. This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them. For all the mothers of the victims of r...

One of the things Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONS) have to deal with is the 'WTF' moments. In retrospect I see how I was literally TRAINED to 'accept the unacceptable.' Some of the incidents I remember: My Nmother screaming at me when I was deathly ill and had thrown up blood: "My rug, my rug - you have DESTROYED my beautiful rug." WTF? My Nmother raging at me for weeks when I finally broke it off with a Psychopathic boyfriend who'd been abusing and even beating me (nearly to death) after 3 years of on & off hell. She was angry that I dumped him because "his family has money." WTF? When I was first disabled I was shaking & feverish for 2 days. She asked if she could lay down in bed next to me and I said that was fine. Then she said "are you sick because you are afraid I am going to die soon?" WTF? When I came home from college for a couple months before moving to NYC - I had acquired a small wardrobe purchased with ...

The Tree of Life By Boruch Cohen With a name like "The Life of Sarah," this week's Torah portion sounds like a promising biography. Too bad she dies in the second verse. One of the fundamentals of our faith is that the Jewish way of life is everlasting. This is why the doing of good deeds is compared to planting a seed. When a seed is planted, it disintegrates in the ground, losing its puny identity to the nourishing soil and creative potential of mother earth. A seedling sprouts, which will one day grow into a tall tree. In time, the tree will bear fruit, and seeds, which themselves might become an orchard, and ultimately, a vast forest. Likewise, a good deed takes root and sprouts in a nourishing eternity of good deeds and Jewish values. These deeds and values give life to ourselves and our offspring, that we too might one day grow into tall fruitful trees; that our fruits might one day become orchards. That's why the Torah is called the "Tree of Life." Th...

MOTHERING: BEING EVERYTHING My friend Chaim from Freedom's Cost called me a "tower of strength and reason" the other day. I don't feel like either so I guess I am still a good actor. Like everyone I make judgment errors and mistakes but I try my best to rectify them, apologize and move forward. I don't believe I am strong, especially after a 'breakdown' in 2004 that ended with my being in the hospital 3x and a clinic. I met some wonderful people though, people who'd also been traumatized - and were moving on despite it all. Something that does bother me is how my disability prevents me, in my mind, from being the sort of mother I would like to be. I don't like to give my job to caretakers, sitters, or anyone else which of course saps my strength. However, I do have loving, compassionate and savvy children with terrific senses of humor so I must be doing something right! My own mother, of blessed memory, and I used to argue a lot. One night she t...