BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

I re-read Alice Miller's latest groundbreaking book THE BODY NEVER LIES . I have come to the conclusion that forgiveness without the abuser or person who's hurt you's full acceptance and owning  of what they did and making amends - isn't possible for me.  Doesn't mean I stay hurt and angry or have no peace of mind - I am simply not able to forgive. I have come to understand that some things simply are not forgiveable. And that forgiving certain things negates my dignity and right to my own feelings. As my friend, the late Kathy Krajco said " you can't forgive a crime in progress ." That is to say, if the abuser hasn't even tried to communicate with me and sincerely & fully apologized -- the crime is STILL in progress. ~~~~ I remember once seeing a cartoon that showed a father examining his young son's report card, which was filled with Ds and Fs. As the father scowled, the boy asked: "What do you think it is, Dad, here...

Got this in email from a friend and felt it was worth sharing: This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, saying, "It's all right honey, Mommy's here." Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted. This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes. This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat. For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time." This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college. This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them. For all the mothers of the victims of r...

For years I would say to people, "I can't sit/ be near you. You're giving me a headache." They'd get mad - then later I'd find out they had some horrible illness. They'd make me think I was crazy... but I'm not! If you've ever thought that you literally feel other people's pain, you may be right. A brain-imaging study suggests that some people have true physical reactions to others' injuries. Using an imaging technique called functional MRI, UK researchers found evidence that people who say they feel vicarious pain do, in fact, have heightened activity in pain-sensing brain regions upon witnessing another person being hurt. The findings, published in the journal Pain, could have implications for understanding, and possibly treating, cases of unexplained "functional" pain. "Patients with functional pain experience pain in the absence of an obvious disease or injury to explain their pain," explained Dr. Stuart W. G. Derb...

by Underground Panther in the Sky When I was growing up and I faced people in school on the bus, people who rejected and bullied me, soon I felt strange, like I had been marked. When kids from schools I had never attended, kids I never met spat on me, it felt like I had some invisible neon sign on my forehead -- I could not see it only bullies could see it. It felt bad like the mark of Cain. It was burned into my being by abusers. The contact I had with psychopathic evil that erased my self-hood as an innocent kid, in repeated blinding soul-shattering moments of senseless unspeakable horrors and betrayal, made a mark. If you care and can feel, and see too much of the evil in the reality we live through, too soon, too close it changes you forever. I knew this was true even when I was 6 years old. I just didn't have the words to express it than like I do now. It felt as if abuse had made a change within me, a message I did not want to send out, advertising the damaged goods -- I am w...

by 'Anna Valerious' at Narcissists Suck: This question was somewhat addressed by me in my post, T hey DO Have Empathy...Just Not for You . I mentioned that the narcissist has oodles and bunches of compassion (empathy) but only enough for themselves. You don't get any. The "Do They Have Feelings? " question is answered in the same way: Yes, they do, but only for themselves. In my experience with narcissists (which includes a larger circle than just my mother and sister for you folks who think I extrapolate off of only those two) the more narcissistic a person is the easier it is to hurt their feelings. They have the tenderest little feelings. Boo, f**king, hoo. They can be the biggest ass about your feelings, but watch the tears (or rage) start when you accidentally bump into one of theirs! I feel the need to ask (and answer) this question even though it appears to be the same question as to whether or not the narcissist has empathy. They are essentially the same q...

One of the things Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONS) have to deal with is the 'WTF' moments. In retrospect I see how I was literally TRAINED to 'accept the unacceptable.' Some of the incidents I remember: My Nmother screaming at me when I was deathly ill and had thrown up blood: "My rug, my rug - you have DESTROYED my beautiful rug." WTF? My Nmother raging at me for weeks when I finally broke it off with a Psychopathic boyfriend who'd been abusing and even beating me (nearly to death) after 3 years of on & off hell. She was angry that I dumped him because "his family has money." WTF? When I was first disabled I was shaking & feverish for 2 days. She asked if she could lay down in bed next to me and I said that was fine. Then she said "are you sick because you are afraid I am going to die soon?" WTF? When I came home from college for a couple months before moving to NYC - I had acquired a small wardrobe purchased with ...

How do you cool your lips After a summers kiss How do you rid the sweat After the body bliss How do you turn your eyes From the romantic glare How do you block the sound of a voice You'd know anywhere Study may explain roots of empathy By Julie Steenhuysen When people say "I feel your pain," they do not mean it literally, but certain people really do feel something that appears to be an extreme form of empathy, British researchers said on Sunday. They said watching someone being touched triggers the same part of the brain as actual touch, and this connection helps explain how we understand what other people are feeling. People who experience a tactile sense of touch when they see another person being touched -- something called mirror-touch synesthesia -- was first studied in 2005 in one person. But researchers at University College London have now studied 10 people with the same condition. "It suggests there is a link between certain aspects of the tactile system an...

(excerpts from the above titled book) by Susan Sontag In June 1938 Virginia Woolf published Three Guineas , her brave, unwelcomed reflections on the roots of war. Written during the preceding two years, while she and most of her intimates and fellow writers were rapt by the advancing fascist insurrection in Spain, the book was couched as the very tardy reply to a letter from an eminent lawyer in London who had asked, "How in your opinion are we to prevent war?" Woolf begins by observing tartly that a truthful dialogue between them may not be possible. For though they belong to the same class, "the educated class," a vast gulf separates them: the lawyer is a man and she is a woman. Men make war. Men (most men) like war, since for men there is "some glory, some necessity, some satisfaction in fighting" that women (most women) do not feel or enjoy. What does an educated read: privileged, well-off-woman like her know of war? Can her recoil from its allure be l...

Open Heart Spiritual teachers have always pointed to the heart as the seat of consciousness, and recently Western science has found evidence to support this realization. It turns out that the heart has its own central nervous system and is not simply under the rule of the brain as formerly believed. Anyone who has taken the time to explore the heart knows this and, more important, has realized that the heart is the source of our connection to a consciousness greater than the ego. Approaching life with an open heart means that we have opened the door to this greater consciousness, taking up residence alongside it in the seat of our soul. Fortunately, at this time there is a lot of support for this shift energetically as well as practically. To some degree, approaching life with an open heart is as simple as shifting your attention onto your heart. Eventually you will be able do this any time, any place, but at first it may help to try it in a quiet place where you won't be disturb...

What Kind of Empath Are You? created with QuizFarm.com You scored as Fallen Angel You are a Fallen Angel empath. You have not found your place in this world yet and wander as a lost soul. Your wings have been clipped but you know deep inside they will grow back. You need to fly free and proud. Fallen Angels are spiritual beings who were trapped by flesh, and are now seeking to spread their wings again. Fallen Angel 95% Traveler 90% Healer 85% Judge 85% Shaman 85% Universal 80% Precog 80% Artist 70%

By Julie Steenhuysen When people say "I feel your pain," they do not mean it literally, but certain people really do feel something that appears to be an extreme form of empathy, British researchers said on Sunday. They said watching someone being touched triggers the same part of the brain as actual touch, and this connection helps explain how we understand what other people are feeling. People who experience a tactile sense of touch when they see another person being touched -- something called mirror-touch synesthesia -- was first studied in 2005 in one person. But researchers at University College London have now studied 10 people with the same condition. "It suggests there is a link between certain aspects of the tactile system and empathy," said Michael Banissy of the university's department of psychology, whose work appears in the journal Nature Neuroscience. Banissy and colleagues first did a series of experiments to authenticate peoples' claims that...