BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

by Kathy Krajco There is no end of gobbledygook out there on the Web about "forgiveness" and "healing." My theory is that it all stems from thinking it a virtue to believe things that defy belief. Then you're stuck having to believe some things that make no sense. The result is tortuously gymnastic twists and turns of logic in oxymorons that call things what they ain't. Just what do people mean when they talk about "forgiving" a narcissist or abuser? I dare say they haven't the foggiest idea what they mean. They have bastardized the word forgiveness by abusing it to mean some vague kind of warm, fuzzy feeling you're supposed to get when your anger passes. Some say that forgiveness is "giving your anger to God." Okay, what the hell does THAT mean? The only way I know of to "give" your anger to anyone is to get angry at them. So, why on earth would you give your anger to God? Wouldn't it be nicer (and smarter) to give ...

Let him love rebuke By Alana Suskin Talmud Masechet Tamid 28a: It was taught, Rabbi says, “Which is the right way that a person should choose? Let him love rebuke, since as long as there is reproof in the world, ease of mind comes to the world, good and blessing come to the world, and evil departs from the world.” Well, who do I know who loves rebuke? Let’s see. There’s — no, well, how about — no. Hmm. I think , didn’t — …uh, nope, not her either. Maybe..? No, nope. Well, I can’t really think of anyone I know who loves rebuke. But rebuking, that’s another story. I’m sure we can all think of lots of folks who are pretty into it. They swoop into your office on an already unpleasant Monday to let you know about some trivial thing that no one but them noticed. Or they call you up and sweetly tell you they told you so. Or — Hey, Mom, do I have to hear about that again? But surely, that’s not what the Torah is speaking of, Leviticus 19:17: You shall not hate your brother in your heart; yo...

Fix, Forgive, Forget Redux CLICK HERE FOR THREAD THAT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT THIS What if I can't forgive? Q. You wrote that we don't need to forgive blindly ; it is proper to demand reasonable amends for any wrongs. What should I do if a person has so harassed and offended me that I feel I can't forgive him at all ? A. Jewish law emphatically holds that we should be generous and forthcoming in forgiving those who have transgressed against us, and that following forgiveness we should put the entire matter behind us. For example, the Torah tells us, "Don't take vengeance and don't bear a grudge" (Leviticus 19:18). However, as we pointed out, this behavior is appropriate after amends have been made; it is not always possible or even desirable beforehand. First we need to fix ; only afterwards do we forgive; after passing these two stages we should indeed forget. The process of forgiveness in Jewish tradition basically has two distinct functions. On...