BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

I address the victims of narcissistic abusers here. But this can warn their friends about how hurtful the stock responses to their pain are. (i.e. 'Get Over It, Move On, You Should Have Known, It Will Pass.. .') If you are the friend of an abused person, don't make it worse. If you can't say what comes naturally and honestly, it would be better to say nothing at all than to say what sounds right because it's politically correct. "He who angers you controls you." Baloney. That popular adage does not pass a basic nonsense check. Look, it says that if we want to be good boys and girls we must numb ourselves so that nobody can make us feel anything. Look again, it is exactly anti-logical, blaming the victim. It pathologizes you, the victim of the narcissist, instead of the narcissist. Stuff like this is my pet peeve. Where on earth does it come from? Once you start noticing how much political correctness is anti-logic, you can't help but wonder (with Ma...

A couple of gems from Kathy Krajc o (with some equal opportunity graphics for you as well): "Responsibility" Wrap: Narcissist Hurts You to Make YOU Guilty of the Sin of Feeling the Pain by Kathy Krajco Remember when you were a child and you used to say that "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Even little children instinctively know enough to hide their pain when someone has hurt their feelings. This instinct is good, even when the enemy isn't really an enemy - just a friendly opponent in a tennis match. Don't let the emotional effect on you of bad things show. It encourages the adversary. But keeping them to yourself doesn't get rid of those feelings, does it? Children, however, live in very different minds than normal adults do. Like Alice and Peter Pan, they don't distinguish between fantasy and realty, preferring fantasy, where they learn the (delusory) power of magical thinking. In some cases this pretending goe...

by the late, forever great Kathy Krajco It's easy to take an honest look at someone you have something against. And though i have no time for blaming the victim, those of us who have been victimized by narcissists must take an honest look at ourselves. Why is it so hard to face facts? Why do we remain in denial so long, and thus play the fool? People on the outside are flabbergasted by the abuse the victim takes. But it is really very easy to understand. To face facts, one fact you must face is that you mean nothing to the narcissist. Zip, zero, zilch, nada. You are nothing but a punching bag. A thing, an object he (ab)uses to make himself feel good. If he breaks you, that's nothing because you are just an object to a narcissist or psychopath. That's humiliating. Who wants to admit that they are worth nothing to someone so precious to them? It's a spear right through the heart. And stupid conventional thinking views value backwards. True, if a thing is a commodity for e...

Another great one from my late friend, Kathy Krajco! But I have to add something someone wrote today - about those of us injured & abused by these types of people; and what narcissistic people do when we ask for some ACKNOWLEDGMENT of our pain and what they did to us. It's spot-on: If the abuser maintains contact or accountability with you and sees your hurt and pain... it gets harder and harder to convince himself of his self-righteousness. So he disappears. He is off; reaffirming his delusions that he is 'perfect, did no wrong and never hurt you' or that you are 'just as guilty' or 'asked for it' over and over and over until he can be sure they are the "truth" he believes. by Kathy Krajco Malignant narcissists deal with the dirty, rotten things they do by denying how inferior it makes them to people with integrity. They do this by manufacturing delusions of its opposite - superiority. They do this because they are emotional children, and t...

This one's for Obama and his followers!! by Kathy Krajco One reason collective thinking gets so screwed up is because the language we think with is corrupted by constant abuse by the foghorns in our communication media. Note what they do to concepts in the meaningful words they bastardize. They bleach all the meaning out of them till these words are no longer action verbs with concrete meaning but just buzz denoting some fuzzy abstract sentiment that is totally generic and interchangeable and which anyone can lie about having or deny having. Love. Hate. Forgiveness. Justice. Fairness. Just ask people what they think those words mean. First a fuzzy look as though the cloud is in your question instead of their heads and then a load of meaningless confusion beyond deplorable and all the way to the point of being ironic. Hence you have the farce of someone professing not to hate a person they are in the very act of rejecting. The farce of claiming to forgive a person they are in the ve...

Republishing some work of the late Kathy Krajco on Narcissism. This sounds like so many people I knew and politics as of late, it was well-worth a repost. Dissociation by Kathy Krajco A narcissist's "self absorption" is absorption in a false self. An external entity. His false image. This accounts for the strangest thing of all about malignant narcissists: they are as out of touch with themselves as they are with the rest of the world! All people can get out of touch with themselves and lose track of how they feel. This comes from being too intensely focused too much of the time. Especially with sedentary work. In this state, the brain learns to filter out sensation. One of the benefits of Eastern practices like Yoga and Tai Chi is that it helps us get back in touch with ourselves. What goes on in a narcissist is essentially the same thing, I suppose, but to a bizarre degree. How bizarre? Well, I'm afraid you'd have to see it to believe it, but here goes. One nar...

Any reader of this blog knows the respect and admiration I have for writer Kathy Krajco. I have used her writing her many times - and will do so in the future. She & I often traded emails as we both had being the child of a narcissist in common. Kathy had a common sense style of writing that was insightful and illuminating. Kathy passed away unexpectedly on May 9, 2006. Her loss is a profound shock & palpable. 'The L-rd gave, and the L-rd took back, may the Name of the L-rd be Blessed!' - Beruriah CLICK HERE FOR KATHY'S BLOG JANESVILLE, WI- Kathy S. Krajco, age 56, of Janesville, died unexpectedly in her home. She will be missed by those whose lives she touched. She was born in Richland Center on April 12, 1952, the daughter of Frank and Adeline C. (Cervenka) Krajco, who preceded her in death. Kathy loved the companionship of her dog, Pierre. She is survived by her sister, Terese Krajco of Janesville; many uncles, aunts, cousins, other relatives and friends. ...