BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

The old name for this was scapegoating... and it continues on, unabated. In fact, we only need to look at those closest to us and at our elected politicians to see this unfortunate tactic is still in full force everyday. Right, - how about the 'flag' list BARRY? by Kathy Krajco Something all abusers, destructive narcissists or bullies do. And are all too often believed. Projection is a new name for an old thing, scapegoating. In this section I just explain it in general terms, with examples. In the next section, we zero-in on how narcissists project and what is unique about the way they do it. Projection. We find it everywhere. Which should be no surprise. It's actually the oldest trick in The Book. Really. The Serpent pulled it on Eve in the Book of Genesis when, in the very act of lying to Eve, he accused God of being the liar. Here's how the story goes. The serpent had just suggested that Eve eat the Forbidden Fruit, and she replied that God told them not to becau...

Everyone's Deepest Fear by Kathy Krajco A narcissist I knew found herself taking a Basic Studies course, Speech 101, during her sixth year of college (when her mother finally forced her to graduate). She told me that the other students (freshmen and sophomores) were naive. That they took things for granted and — well, it sounded like she was saying they thought life a piece of cake. Kinda like the American Dream: if you do your best, do things right, and play by the rules, you will succeed and live happily ever after. So, for her first speech, she thought to wise them up by showing them that they shouldn't be so carefree. In that speech she told them that they should take nothing for granted, that no matter who you are, you can have "it all taken away." Just like that. Overnight. Your job, career, your friends and family — everything. And through no fault of your own. No matter how good a person you are. No matter how well you do what you do. I naturally thought she w...

by Kathy Krajco I am death on people telling the victim that it's a sin to fight back. They are pressuring the victim to do the very thing that causes victims to suffer terrible shame in the aftermath of abuse -- give themselves up to it. That shame we feel at doing so is an infallible indicator that it's wrong. No one needs a book or a preacher to tell them what's right and wrong. We KNOW that's wrong. Deep down inside we feel how wrong it is to give ourselves up to abuse. Doing so makes us feel like a worm. A doormat. We know it's lack of backbone. We sense the prostitution in it. We feel utterly degraded by it. The only excuse for it is being subjected to overwhelming force so that we haven't the power to resist. Which is rape. Which is why we feel deeply violated by it. Whether it's sexual rape or any other kind. So, we know that we must resist when we can. If only for the sake of our self respect. And anyone who tells us that we shouldn't fight the ...

by Kathy Krajco Then there is the other side of the coin, which is an even more menacing sign of bad faith — what narcissists do to the images of others. Consumed with pathological envy, they make themselves look good the bogus way, by making others look bad. Overall, individuals high in narcissism displayed amplified responses to social comparison information, experiencing greater positive affect from downward comparisons and greater hostile affect from upward comparisons. — Bogart, L.M., Benotsh, E.G. and Pavlovic, J.D. (2004), Feeling Superior but Threatened: The Relation of Narcissism to Social Comparison, Basic and Applied Social Psychology, Vol. 26, Iss. 1, pp. 35-44. In other words, malignant narcissists feel that praiseworthy information about you diminishes them, and they feel that denigrating information about you elevates them. Hence, like the rapist, narcissists must tear their betters "down off that pedestal" by maligning them. Therefore "malignant"...

The last couple days I have gone back and forth with myself about whether to write about the Obama camps disgusting new ad about John McCain's not being able to use a computer... but missing that McCain is disabled and can't raise his arms above his shoulders and can't physically USE a computer. This week I have been very ill. I seem to have serious flares every few weeks, always when I am most busy and need to have some energy for my children. Then I saw the ad and read all the commentary on this depraved indifference on the part of Team Obama. So I have been in bed reading and doing a slow burn... Again, I must relate back to my own personal experience. About how people turn your illness into a character flaw. I have had a couple people, who should know better say things to try to smear me and make people believe I am a malicious liar, like: she can't work because she's too fat to even move she's a diabetic who doesn't take her meds she lives off the...