BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

And so, what do you do if you cannot forgive your abuser? What SHOULD you do? Which party is the obstacle to reconciliation here? You or your abuser? What should you do? Just accept it. It's a fact. You cannot really change it: all you can do is delude yourself about it. You can pretend to have "forgiven" your abuser all you want, but there is nonetheless, a state of war between you. It exists whether you admit it or not. This is because your abuser owes you something he or she refuses to pay. The narcissist refuses to even admit what they DID yesterday. He may have punched you for 20 minutes straight, but today he denies that it happened, accusing you of "making things up" or of you being the one who attacked. Since he won't even admit what he did, he is also denying you acknowledgement that it was wrong. That he has wronged you. So, what is there to "forgive," pray tell? He is also denying you a promise and guarantees to stop it. So, how can you ...

PETTY TYRANTS AND HOW THEY WORK We all know them. We see them everyday. We read about them. We work with them. We might be dating or married to them. Petty tyrants. People who use our good natures and religious or ethical belief systems to coerce us. There are tyrants who get people to strap bombs to themselves and their children in the name of Allah. There are tyrants who get people to shove the word of God down the throat of anyone who stands still long enough. There are tyrant who take your lunch money. There are tyrants who say "if you loved me, you would...." (fill in your kinky sex act or uncomfortable act here). There are tyrants who will tell you "if you do [XYZ] then I will [ABC]." I see them in my advocacy work. The guys who won't take no for an answer, blame their partner for everything, say "she did it too" or "she made me do it." Women who browbeat their husbands so much the guy is a shell of who he was or should be. In my own l...