On Healing & Forgiveness
by Kathy Krajco I have a question for anyone out there who can answer it. I would like to know why therapists - yes, therapists, not just preachers - think that a victimized person must forgive in order to heal. To keep things from getting all fogged up, we must be clear on what we mean by forgiveness. The word has a definite meaning: it is forgiving a portion of the debt incurred by the offender as your ante in a mutual act of reconciliation. But the word is suffering a terrible bout of bastardization these days, having the guts torn out of it by being used as vague codeword for somehow managing to "stop hungering and thirsting for justice," for somehow "erasing your anger." Woops, I forgot. Justice sounds too good in this context, I must call it revenge instead. But, anyway, please be sure to identify which kind of forgiveness you mean if you explain why therapists instruct their patients to forgive. A couple related questions, just to make sure we all heal good....