BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

First, a warning! Any of you who find this subject triggering or upsetting, or have a problem with personal posts of a highly-charged nature - please scroll on by for the usual blog fare. However, its my blog and I'll post if I want to. In 7th grade my English teacher, Mrs. Fisher, asked us to write an Op-Ed piece on a current issue in the news. I'm giving away my age but I chose Roe v. Wade. Mrs. Fisher called my mother when I turned it in and told my mother that what I had written was A++ material but the subject might be too controversial for the small, right-wing town we lived in. My mother, in a moment of clarity, told her to "grade the paper on the English merits, not the subject." She did. I got my A++. Foreshadowing. I've had 2 abortions. I am not counting the clinical D&Cs I had to have because of my PCOS; which sometimes only let me have 2 - 3 periods a year. I had the latter to avoid cervical and uterine cancer. No these were abort...

Just a few years ago I would tell people, "oh I don't judge." And usually I thought I didn't. But that was a big, fat lie. I judge. We all judge. I judge if the driver in front of me is actually going to make that turn or stop short. I judge how well I am on any given day so that I can make the appointments I have or if I am having such severe pain or cognitive dysfunction I should just call, cancel (which I do a lot) and stay home. I judge whether people are being truthful. Because of events in my life, I judge most everyone these days as untrustworthy if they get too personal with me. And most of all, I judge myself. I judged already that my ability to make good decisions is flawed and my ability to choose friends is downright laughable. I think everyone has an agenda because I don't. My kids sometimes get bullied. Its hard to teach them to be tolerant and how to judge someone who's a true friend from someone who's just a "fr-enemy....

Self-Trial The Baal Shem Tov taught that in the heavenly court there is no one who can judge you for what you have done in your life on earth. So this is what they do: They show you someone’s life -all the achievements and all the failures, all the right decisions and all the wrongdoings -and then they ask you, “So what should we do with this somebody?” And you give your verdict. Which they accept. And then they tell you that this somebody was you. Being now in heaven, you don’t recall a thing. Of course, those who tend to judge others favorably have a decided advantage. Better get in the habit now. A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe -words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman PLEASE CLICK HERE TO JBLOG ME