A Malignant Narcissist's Error Tactics
I read this on one of my all-time favorite blogs and it really hit home.
A few people have tried to demoralize me too. Even my late narcissistic parent. And its what terrorists do to get others to do what they want - demoralize. It's petty.
So, herewith, an excerpt from Kathy Krajco's masterful blog:
The aim of Error Tactics, then, is to demoralize us.
First, don't allow a narcissist to relate to you as your judge. You can confront any attempt to do so. But you don't have to. You can just non-respond to it. In other words, act as though the narcissist didn't say the judgemental thing they just said. Change the subject. Walk out of the room. You are taking away their mirror. Then they can't see the image they're projecting in it. That is very unsettling to a narcissist. Really. Since they identify with that mirage, by making it disappear you give them an existential problem!
There is probably nothing meaner you can do to a narcissist than just act like he ain't there. I think it's the most potent negative reinforcement you can deliver. He will quickly learn that he gets it for trying to relate to you as your judge.
Second, remember your poise. It's all a game people play. Mind games. Which means it's nothing, because it's all in the head. So, just keep your poise.
In fact, there is some of this going on in the holier-than-thous who blame the victim and say your feelings are a sin, those who find a sin in everything you could do to protect yourself from abuse, those who say it would be a sin to divorce the narcissist or to strike back in any way. Why do they bestow their judgments on YOU and why are they so "understanding" about the ABUSER's conduct and feelings?
Because they can't make amoral HIM feel like he has done anything wrong. So, they pick on good people (= the victim) instead. They like being able to control you by passing judgment on your thoughts, words, deeds, and even feelings.
It's a power play. A self-righteous power play.
A few people have tried to demoralize me too. Even my late narcissistic parent. And its what terrorists do to get others to do what they want - demoralize. It's petty.
So, herewith, an excerpt from Kathy Krajco's masterful blog:
The aim of Error Tactics, then, is to demoralize us.
First, don't allow a narcissist to relate to you as your judge. You can confront any attempt to do so. But you don't have to. You can just non-respond to it. In other words, act as though the narcissist didn't say the judgemental thing they just said. Change the subject. Walk out of the room. You are taking away their mirror. Then they can't see the image they're projecting in it. That is very unsettling to a narcissist. Really. Since they identify with that mirage, by making it disappear you give them an existential problem!
There is probably nothing meaner you can do to a narcissist than just act like he ain't there. I think it's the most potent negative reinforcement you can deliver. He will quickly learn that he gets it for trying to relate to you as your judge.
Second, remember your poise. It's all a game people play. Mind games. Which means it's nothing, because it's all in the head. So, just keep your poise.
In fact, there is some of this going on in the holier-than-thous who blame the victim and say your feelings are a sin, those who find a sin in everything you could do to protect yourself from abuse, those who say it would be a sin to divorce the narcissist or to strike back in any way. Why do they bestow their judgments on YOU and why are they so "understanding" about the ABUSER's conduct and feelings?
Because they can't make amoral HIM feel like he has done anything wrong. So, they pick on good people (= the victim) instead. They like being able to control you by passing judgment on your thoughts, words, deeds, and even feelings.
It's a power play. A self-righteous power play.
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