BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS

I have suffered with this disease for 49 years. If you have questions, write me.

My blogger sista Layla, wrote such a good post in July 2007 about a subject which I have discussed with many bloggers during the last 7 years which I have been fiddling around with blogs. Blogging was a great way to keep my mind active, now that I am unable and diagnosed unfit to work. I am teaching myself CSS and other coding little by little. Old horses do learn new tricks! When I started blogging I refused to talk politics.  According to my therapists I still lack a lot of self-esteem. Over the years I was told by far too many people I was stupid, ugly, worthless, too intense, had a big mouth and ended up saying 'yes' to things any rational person would have said "NO WAY" too.   Undiagnosed PTSD had me doing irrational things that no one would accept an apology for.  I went out of my way to make people happy, to my own detriment. So my blog was a mishmash of this and that. Stuff I had written on a good day and so on. I helped out 2 websites for a ...

Being diagnosed with a chronic disability can be very devastating. I'm not throwing a pity-party here, just sharing some insight. I went through every single one of the stages in this article and sometimes I back up and do them again. With the return of hot weather, I have been in terrible flare. I read JOB a lot and his bargaining and arguing with Hashem. I relate. I hate being like this. HATE IT. There is no relation between the me I am now and the person I was. My own children will never know the person I was. I grieve that a lot. One of my own late parents (who was pathologically disordered) told my ex-husband to "leave me" because I was "useless to him" now. It took me years to give away the power suits I wore to work or auditions. Now, I have thrown myself into motherhood - the best I can - the way I threw myself into work projects. Being disabled means you are part of an underclass that is neither to be seen or heard. Maybe because we invi...

I have had experienced this four times in the eight plus years I have been blogging. I had my computer hacked twice since 2004 and my IP address misused.  I was phished in 2010 -- twice and also had my IP address spoofed.  I (and a number of other people) had my hotmail account hacked by Nigerian Scammers and then sold for people to use for spam or proxies. (I've gotten emails from people I don't know and have never heard of - all of which I have reported to the proper outlets) It's frustrating. Like someone scrawling "for a good time call [your name or phone number]" on the bathroom wall back in school. (I will not count comment spam, etc.) Also, like many disabled bloggers, I am able to keep my sanity and learn new things by blogging. It puts me in touch with other 'adults' ( since I have long periods where I can't go out or very far ) as well as putting the news and fresh ideas right in my living room. I was lucky enough to have a coupl...

"It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of the pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering. ...In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the perpetrator's first line of defense. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens. To this end, he marshals an impressive array of arguments, from the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalization. After every atrocity one can expect to hear the same predictable apologies: it never happened; the victim lies; the victim exaggerates; the victim brought it on hers...

I'm drawn to work & people that provoke thought for me. Even if I don't agree with it - I take it in because I find I learn more from disagreement, about myself and about the way Hashem works in each of us. I used to read a site called THE DAILY OM. The other day the article du jour was entitled BLAMING OTHERS. At the end it said: We do this by forgiving our parents, even if they have not asked for our forgiveness, so that we can be free. We end the abusive relationship with our partner, who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs committed against us in the hands of the universe, releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame. BULLPOCKY!!! I don't buy it. For many many years I was raised by a parent who abused, used and manipulated me - but I was taught that I HAD to l...

cross-posted from stellar fellow female blogger: UPPITY WOMAN! --------------- Petition here. Also please refer to my previous post entitled “I can’t find the missing 2.2 Trillion!“ Next time you hear the Republicans and/or Democrats,your cold, fear-mongering President and their hitman Alan Simpson throw around the bullcrap, remember this petition. It affects you, because even if you are not a senior, that 2.2 Trillion Congressional thieves have skimmed into the General Fund all these years is your money too. These people are thieves and they don’t know how to wiggle out of their thievery, so they have decided to punish their victims instead. Petition text: SOURCE To the United States Congress Whereas, Congress for more than a quarter century has been engaged in a shameful Raid on Social Security surpluses and leaving behind IOUs written to itself; and Whereas, Social Security no longer is running regular annual surpluses; and Whereas, Congress must take im...

by Judith Fein Eighteen years ago, Erv Hinds was a traditional anesthesiologist with an open-heart surgery team. Today he's gone from putting people to sleep with drugs to trying to wake them up with what he calls patient-centered pain treatment. In his practice at the Albuquerque Pain Center, pain at every level is taken seriously. "Patients need to develop a vertical relationship - to nature or Jesus or Buddha or God," says Hinds, "or something that gets them out of entrenchment, outside of themselves." The journey that brought him to this point began when an X-ray revealed that he needed a heart valve replacement. "I didn't know what to do," Hinds says. He prayed with his Presbyterian pastor and did research in the University of New Mexico library. There he found a journal article about a surgeon in France named Carpentier who was repairing valves instead of replacing them, something not done in America. "Carpentier had done most of hi...

In the late 1980s, two friends of mine died waiting for SSDI benefits from AIDS related cancers. They were hard working, smart people who had savings but blew through them... waiting. I, myself, had a good nestegg when I fell ill in 1995. It was two years before I finally got SSDI. Only then with the help of attorney because I was too gravely impaired to fight for myself. My nestegg was gone to medical expenses. My group disability demanded I pay them back every penny when SSDI kicked in finally. This is not unusual, people - check your policies - that is STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE! You have to pay it back! EVERYONE does ! I have never applied for State Aid, Food Stamps or Section 8 Housing help. Nor would I. I only applied for what I put in for the 22 years I worked and only because I needed it. I am now surviving on less income than I made in 1979. I can't sit up too long, it's painful to walk for long, my hands hurt and I have severe headaches. I still ...

SHAVUOT The all-nighter is an observance that developed on Shavuot. By Lesli Koppelman Ross Staying up to study Jewish texts for all or part of the first night of Shavuot is an increasingly popular activity among a wide range of Jews. This custom is called a "tikkun." The word tikkun is most popularly understood to mean a process of "repairing the world" or even an improvement of one's qualities. Tikkun is also used to describe a particular time devoted to study, a seder--order--of texts designed for this study, and also a canonical book containing these texts . Following the holiday meal, many people proceed to synagogue for Ma'ariv [the evening service], followed by an all-night (or into-the-night, as many last only until midnight) Torah study session based on the kabbalists' [mystics'] practice. [This specifically refers to the sixteenth century mystics of Safed, Israel, under the leadership of Isaac Luria. Many people recite Ma'ariv ...

SOMETHING FOR US TO WATCH AND REFLECT ON THIS MEMORIAL DAY CLICK HERE (for my Uncle, of blessed memory - decorated WWII U.S. Navy Veteran, for my father-in-law, of blessed memory - WWII Canadian Army Veteran and my father, of blessed memory - WWII U.S. Army Veteran) Poem to the Soldier Author Unknown It is the Soldier, not the reporter who has given us freedom of press It is the Soldier, not the poet who has given us freedom of speech It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer who gives us freedom to demonstrate It is the Soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag. QUOTES TO PONDER: "Never in the face of human conflict has so much been owed by so many to so few." - Winston Churchill "The price of freedom is eternal vigilance." - Thomas Jefferson "....If you leave here with the word DUTY implanted in your mind; if you leave here with the ...