Standing By Your Sex-Hobbyist -Man; Because It's Your Fault Too?

RAPE VICTIMS ARE "STUPID"...

...according to the judge in the article below.

There is no doubt in my mind that our legal system is flawed. Far, far too often cases go untried, perpetrators uncharged because the police and/or the judges and D.A.s don't want to do anything. They are trying to keep things below the radar until the next election cycle. Or they don't care because the case isn't high profile enough. The Megan Meier MySpace Suicide case is a prime recent example.

I know this because for a number of years, when I was a freelance paralegal, I spent a lot of time downtown, sitting in courtrooms waiting for moments with a judge or clerk to get papers signed or orders issued. I would see the impatience, the not-listening, the rudeness... and not always from the Defendants. Some judges would show up at 11am - take a 2 hour lunch at noon - and be gone by 3pm. Zoom!

So much for jurisprudence.

It just confirmed my decision not to go to law school after passing the LSAT in 1979. I'm not a whore. Physically, ethically or intellectually. I'm not saying all lawyers are whores... just far too many of them.

A dear friend of mine from Canada (where I have relatives) sent me this today. I was infuriated. It appears the Great White North has similar problems.

One of the biggest problems with any sort of abuse is many women are afraid to tell someone what happened. They fear no one will believe them, that their abuser will attack or smear them or that they somehow deserved. Abused men have an even rougher time because of gender stereotypes. And perpetrators are enabled by this lack of, or prohibitions against telling.

Then there are women and men who are brave enough to come forward and tell about their traumatic experience so as to stop the people who did it, save their children, their lives and themselves. Telling is a huge step in healing. It was something I myself learned in trauma counseling.

Unfortunately, some women use the idea that they are the "weaker sex" as a weapon. For attention, out of embarassment, revenge or some other odd reason some women will tell people they have been raped when they haven't. This is sad but it does happen occassionally. Verification is important.

In the Jewish community, the most common way with which to silence a victim is by telling them they are committing either Hotzaat Diba or Lashon Hara, (from Leviticus 19:16). However, the exception is as follows:

There are times when a person is obligated to speak out, even though the information is disparaging. Specifically, if a person’s intent in sharing the negative information is for a to’elet, a positive, constructive, and beneficial purpose, the prohibition against lashon hara does not apply. And if the lashon hara serves as a warning against the possibility of future harm, such communication is not only permissible, but, under certain conditions, compulsory.

David in DC makes great points using a piece from Rabbi Mark Dratch about Lashon Hara:

...there may be any number of beneficial purposes in sharing this information including: preventing others from learning inappropriate behavior condemning such behavior clearing one’s own reputation seeking advice, support, and help one’s own psychological benefit validating the abusive experience of others who may have felt that they, and no one else, was this man’s victim. [Emphasis added.]

...And of such an unrepentant sinner the verse teaches, “The memory of the just is blessed; but the name of the wicked shall rot” (Proverbs 10:7). In addition, Jewish law does not recognize the concept of statute of limitations in these matters.

Lashon hara is a tool of abuse, both when derogatory speech defames innocent people, destroying their reputations, and when warnings to refrain from derogatory speech are used to silence victims of abuse who cry out for help. As careful as we must be not to speak, listen to, or repeat, disparaging information when it is forbidden, we must not allow the threat of speaking lashon hara to silence the cry of innocent victims.

We must carefully heed the words of Pithei Teshuvah:

There is a sin even greater than [speaking lashon hara], and one which is more widespread, i.e., the sin of refraining from informing another about a situation in which one can save him from being victimized—all out of concern for lashon hara… One who behaves in this manner, his sin is too great to bear and he violates, "You shall not stand by the blood of your brother."

Victims of abuse need to speak out, for all kinds of personal reasons, in order to help themselves. Their supporters need to speak out in order to help them. And the community needs to speak out in order to hold the perpetrators responsible and in order to protect other innocents from potential harm. [Emphasis added.]

All must be diligent in meeting the conditions required for such speech, including knowledge of or verification of the facts, proper motivation, the curbing of personal animosities, no exaggeration, and the like. Allowances must be made for persistent rumors and circumstantial evidence when their credibility meet halakhic standards.

And each of us needs to recommit ourselves to protecting the physical and spiritual welfare of women, children, and men; safeguarding the integrity of the social fabric of the Jewish community; and securing the honor of Torah and God’s very Name.

According to rabbinic tradition, it is the capacity of speech that distinguishes humans from the animals and from all other parts of Creation. The Torah demands of us to use that divine gift of speech wisely and carefully in order to protect the human-ness of victims of abuse, as well as the humane-ness of every member of our society.

Source

Most Jewish anti-abuse advocates agree that telling is not only necessary for the victim, but can serve as a wake up call to the abuser to get help and the community at large. Rabbi Mark Dratch of JSafe and The Awareness Center have great information on this issue.

My opinion is much like David in DC's excerpt from Rabbi Dratch - abuse only grows in the dark. If you keep it inside of you, it will eat you up alive. Believe me, I know from personal experience.

Additionally, the abuser will often start a smear campaign or other abuse against their victim. Some victims are not ready or strong enough to stand up to it. These persons always need a lot of support, validation and talking it out.

Nowhere is this more prevalent than in cases of rape. In far too many rape cases, the victim is terrified of coming forward. In Canada only 8% of rapes are ever reported. In the U.S.A. 59% of rapes go unreported according to RAINN.

Every 2.5 minutes in the U.S.A., someone somewhere is sexually assaulted.

When victims of rape don't tell their rapist remains free to attack someone else. Rapes that are not reported? All of those rapists will never serve a day in prison. Where they should be. They got away with it, so they will most likely reoffend.

And this judge? Well he shouldn't be on the bench and he should never try another rape case. Ever. Or any other case for that matter.

Judge calls rape victim 'stupid'
By PABLO FERNANDEZ

To have a judge refer to the victim of a vicious rape as stupid is a disservice of the highest degree, the Calgary Communities Against Sexual Abuse said yesterday.

The comments from CCASA executive director Deb Tomlinson come a day after Justice John Rooke called the victim of a sexual attack "naive" and "stupid."

"It’s the stupid people that need protection,” he said, in finding a serious sentence was warranted.

"I think by making these comments, this judge is doing a disservice to all of society," said Tomlinson.

"By pointing the finger at the victim, and not at the offender where it belongs ... it is going to keep more women from coming forward and reporting these crimes."

Rooke sentenced Stefano Priolo, 30, to 3 1/2 years in prison Tuesday for raping a then-18-year-old woman in a cemetery on Nov. 28, 2005.

In his ruling, Rooke slammed Priolo as "a predator" who took advantage of a vulnerable young woman after she got into his car on the promise he would drive her to a bus depot.

The judge should have chosen his words about the victim more carefully, said Tomlinson.

By putting the blame, even if unintentionally, partly on the victim, the judge is creating an environment not conducive to the reporting of sexual crimes, she said.

"Victims don't feel comfortable coming forward," she said. "This means all of these offenders are not being made to answer for their actions."

SOURCE

Hat Tip: HD!