The 'Idol' Worship of the Angry
The Zohar says that when one is angry it is tantamount to idol worship. Why is a burst of anger judged so seriously? One who trusts and truly believes that G-d not only created everything but that He also is in complete control of every last detail of world events will not get angry. If something doesn't meet one's satisfaction one must accept because it is the will of our Creator. If something goes wrong it was caused by G-d. If someone is behaving in a way that upsets he or she is merely a messenger from the Lord. So if one reacts with temper one is in effect saying” I do not believe!"- Raymond J Beyda
What makes narcissists switch into Mean Mode
- Kathy Krajco
If you have grown up in a home with a narcissistic parent (and perhaps also a narcissistic sibling), this may be a revelation to you.
Ask yourself what he or she was mad at you about the last time they made you feel like dirt.
I bet you can't say. Think back. I bet you can't say what they were ever mad at you ABOUT. I bet all you can remember is them saying things like "I don't have to put up with that" -- whatever "that" is being left to the imagination.
Here's a test. Demand a reason for the next temper tantrum. Insist on the narcissist telling you what you said or did to make him or her mad.
They can't. You could interrogate them about this on a rack and not get an answer.
In fact, if pressed for an answer, they will start talking about some sign of vulnerability in you as their reason for holding you in contempt. For example, maybe they heard that you are flunking math or that you are having serious financial problems or have lost your job or are getting sued. They will act like that makes you odious to godlike them. In fact, they will act like God, who has a right to discipline you for this.
And they are telling the truth, for once. It's vulnerability, the scent of blood, that makes them mean. Because narcissists are predators. They salivate at the very sight of vulnerable prey as targets of opportunity.
ORIGINAL
Narcissists need a whipping boy.
Here's an example that shows narcissists know and understand what they're doing.
First a bit of background, so you know what's going on.
A fifty-year-old narcissist had abused her sister for almost as long as either could remember. Often the abuse was violently physical, with the narcissist raining a hail blows on her sister. Like all narcissists, this one makes herself feel better about herself by vaunting herself on others. So, she often gets mad and abuses her sister out of the blue.
I guess it usually goes something like this: first she acts bored and rudely says she doesn't want to talk about this or that. Whatever her sister replies is -- boom -- some sort of offense. She says mean things that she knows will hurt her sister deeply and refuses to let her sister get in a word edgewise.
To block communication and have her unanswered say, she yells her sister down and then hautily cuts off the conversation so that her sister cannot reply. Yes, a fifty-year-old narcissist is still that childish.
Why? Presumably that reply would be contrary to her delusion and therefore not in her script, so she won't allow it to be said.
She shuts up her sister by making a dramatic exit, throwing her sister out, or hanging up the phone. Nothing she doesn't script can be said in her little stageplay.
Note: She has the mentality of a child with an imaginary friend -- you know, a fantasy that has intruded on reality and blurs it, a fantasy that she prefers to reality. Little children sometimes pass through a phase like this where their magical thinking manifests itself this way, but narcissists remain in a similar state all their lives.
Recently her sister has stopped putting up with this. She is determined to no longer serve as a punching bag for the narcisist to beat up on whenever she's feeling low. So, when the narcissist starts treating her like dirt, she says something like, "Quit treating me like dirt" or "Quit bullying" or "God! you're rude" and "What are you having a fit about this time?"
Needless to say, the sister no longer makes a good victim, a good source of Narcissistic Supply for the narcissist's ego to feed on. In other words, she will no longer be the nacissist's "whipping boy." Why did I put it in those words?
Because of the punchline: Guess what "reason" the narcissist gives for wanting nothing more to do with her sister? Of all things, she says it's because "she is tired of being her sister's whipping boy."
That's projection, of course, which is a knee-jerk reaction in narcissists. Anyone can see that the narcissist was the one abusing a whipping boy and that nothing her sister did could possibly have been construed as doing that.
The important thing to note is that this projection is in the narcissist's own words. The sister never used the "whipping boy" figure of speech or even said anything like that. But the "whipping boy" expression does perfectly describe how the narcissist was using her sister. This shows that deep down the narcissist knows exactly what she's doing -- that she uses her sister as a whipping boy.
As I've said often before: there's nothing narcissists don't pervert a full 180 degrees. They accuse you of doing to them what they are in the very act of doing to you.
And their middle name is Projection.
ORIGINAL
What makes narcissists switch into Mean Mode
- Kathy Krajco
If you have grown up in a home with a narcissistic parent (and perhaps also a narcissistic sibling), this may be a revelation to you.
Ask yourself what he or she was mad at you about the last time they made you feel like dirt.
I bet you can't say. Think back. I bet you can't say what they were ever mad at you ABOUT. I bet all you can remember is them saying things like "I don't have to put up with that" -- whatever "that" is being left to the imagination.
Here's a test. Demand a reason for the next temper tantrum. Insist on the narcissist telling you what you said or did to make him or her mad.
They can't. You could interrogate them about this on a rack and not get an answer.
In fact, if pressed for an answer, they will start talking about some sign of vulnerability in you as their reason for holding you in contempt. For example, maybe they heard that you are flunking math or that you are having serious financial problems or have lost your job or are getting sued. They will act like that makes you odious to godlike them. In fact, they will act like God, who has a right to discipline you for this.
And they are telling the truth, for once. It's vulnerability, the scent of blood, that makes them mean. Because narcissists are predators. They salivate at the very sight of vulnerable prey as targets of opportunity.
ORIGINAL
Narcissists need a whipping boy.
Here's an example that shows narcissists know and understand what they're doing.
First a bit of background, so you know what's going on.
A fifty-year-old narcissist had abused her sister for almost as long as either could remember. Often the abuse was violently physical, with the narcissist raining a hail blows on her sister. Like all narcissists, this one makes herself feel better about herself by vaunting herself on others. So, she often gets mad and abuses her sister out of the blue.
I guess it usually goes something like this: first she acts bored and rudely says she doesn't want to talk about this or that. Whatever her sister replies is -- boom -- some sort of offense. She says mean things that she knows will hurt her sister deeply and refuses to let her sister get in a word edgewise.
To block communication and have her unanswered say, she yells her sister down and then hautily cuts off the conversation so that her sister cannot reply. Yes, a fifty-year-old narcissist is still that childish.
Why? Presumably that reply would be contrary to her delusion and therefore not in her script, so she won't allow it to be said.
She shuts up her sister by making a dramatic exit, throwing her sister out, or hanging up the phone. Nothing she doesn't script can be said in her little stageplay.
Note: She has the mentality of a child with an imaginary friend -- you know, a fantasy that has intruded on reality and blurs it, a fantasy that she prefers to reality. Little children sometimes pass through a phase like this where their magical thinking manifests itself this way, but narcissists remain in a similar state all their lives.
Recently her sister has stopped putting up with this. She is determined to no longer serve as a punching bag for the narcisist to beat up on whenever she's feeling low. So, when the narcissist starts treating her like dirt, she says something like, "Quit treating me like dirt" or "Quit bullying" or "God! you're rude" and "What are you having a fit about this time?"
Needless to say, the sister no longer makes a good victim, a good source of Narcissistic Supply for the narcissist's ego to feed on. In other words, she will no longer be the nacissist's "whipping boy." Why did I put it in those words?
Because of the punchline: Guess what "reason" the narcissist gives for wanting nothing more to do with her sister? Of all things, she says it's because "she is tired of being her sister's whipping boy."
That's projection, of course, which is a knee-jerk reaction in narcissists. Anyone can see that the narcissist was the one abusing a whipping boy and that nothing her sister did could possibly have been construed as doing that.
The important thing to note is that this projection is in the narcissist's own words. The sister never used the "whipping boy" figure of speech or even said anything like that. But the "whipping boy" expression does perfectly describe how the narcissist was using her sister. This shows that deep down the narcissist knows exactly what she's doing -- that she uses her sister as a whipping boy.
As I've said often before: there's nothing narcissists don't pervert a full 180 degrees. They accuse you of doing to them what they are in the very act of doing to you.
And their middle name is Projection.
ORIGINAL
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