Superstah!
Narcissistic Superstars play the lead in their own life story, which, to them, is indistinguishable from the history of civilization.
Whatever they are and whatever they have is never enough. They always want more. Narcissistic Superstars' abilities, coupled with their tremendous hunger, may bring them success, but never satisfaction. They build empires, lead nations, create great works of art, and amass huge sums of money for one purpose only: to prove how great they are. Superstars may boast incessantly about what they have and what they've done, but once they have it or have done it, whatever it is loses value in their eyes. They always need more. Whether it's money, honors, status symbols, or sexual conquests, Superstars always want something. They get what they want too. Every one of them has a trophy collection. Adding to it is the sole purpose of Narcissists' existence; there is no higher goal.
Superstars love expensive toys. They have to have the best, because it shows that they are the best. An unrelenting drive to achieve and acquire is the center of their personality. There is no point in asking Narcissistic Superstars why they need to have so much and do so much. They don't know, any more than a flower knows why it turns toward the sun. Don't waste your time trying to figure it out. Use it. For all their talent, intelligence, and temporal power, vampire Superstars are pathetically easy to manipulate. Here's how.
First, Kiss Up. There is no way around it. If you want to maintain any sort of relationship with Narcissistic Superstars, you have to admire them, their achievements, and their toys incessantly. Typically, it won't take much effort on your part to kiss up to Superstars. They'll be more than happy to come up with reasons to congratulate themselves. All you have to do is listen and look interested.
Know Your Needs. It's important to know what you want for yourself as clearly as Superstars know what they want for themselves. Superstars always know what they want, and they're always trying to figure out how to get it. If your own needs are unclear to you, or you wait for these vampires to give you what you deserve, you'll never get anything.
Tie Your Needs In with Theirs. Superstars are going to get what they want whether you're a part of it or not. Make yourself a part of it. To get even slightly reasonable treatment from vampire Superstars, you'll have to play all the angles, just as they do.
Narcissistic Superstars always consider whatever they do to be the most valuable part of the process.
Superstar endeavors have a way of drifting away from being driven by product or service toward being driven by politics. These vampires don’t always do the best job, but they do give the best ego massages. If their clients are also Superstars, that’s that matters most.
No amount of negative press will change Narcissistic Superstars. They always have glee clubs of-self-interested supporters to sing their praises.
SUPERSTAR HYPNOSIS
Superstars create an alternate universe in which they are special, and your success and happiness is contingent upon indulging their every whim. If you work for them, their power over you may be sufficient to turn their alternative universe into the one you have to live in. To make things more confusing, these managerial vampires often create systems that they themselves don't understand, because they don't design them. Everything is jury-rigged by employees to compensate for deficiencies in the manager's personality. There is only one rule in such systems: Humor the boss. Superstar vampires like to spout off about teamwork, empowerment, and flattening the organization, blissfully unaware that when they're around all real work stops because job number one is entertaining the boss. The comic strip Dilbert is a far better guide to this kind of organizational structure than any management text.
SUPERSTAR SEX
Superstars are famous for making fools of themselves over sex. People marvel at how such bright people can act like such complete idiots when their pants are off. Why do they do it? Sex is just one of the many forms of adulation that Narcissistic Superstars expect from other people. Superstars are major-league seducers and world-class adulterers, but absolute rookies when it comes to love.
When Superstars want something from people, they actually see them as great and wonderful. That’s why their hypnosis is so effective.
Everyone is affected adversely by Superstars’ peccadillos: the people they seduce, the coworkers who feel they were passed over for promotion, and all the other folks standing on the sidelines watching this soap opera [of office seduction] proceed to its unhappy conclusion so they can get on with their jobs. And that’s even before the lawyers arrive.
SUPERSTAR DEPRESSION AND ANGER
Yes these vampires invariably believe that their lack of satisfaction results from other people criticizing them unfairly or just not making enough effort to please them.
Vampire Superstars tend to experience two different kinds of anger that may be indistinguishable to the outside observer.
In the world of Superstars, incompetence is the gravest crime. Their standards for themselves are high, and even higher for the little people around them whose job it is to keep everything running smoothly so that the Superstars can do their jobs. Needless to say, Superstars get angry quite often, especially if other people's mistakes cause even slight inconvenience. These vampires' favorite tantrum is the condescending lecture on standards of minimal competence. Such lectures seldom have the desired effect of inspiring people to work harder and be more careful. Often Superstars feel, correctly, that the little people around them are purposely ignoring their requests and instructions. This usually leads to more tantrums.
Passive-aggressive behavior enrages Superstars, yet they draw it like a magnet. It makes sense. The way they whack people over the head with blunt criticisms, who could blame anybody for retaliating? Superstars, that's who. Narcissistic Superstars and Passive-Aggressive Histrionics are a match made in hell. Each can cause the other to escalate into spasms of self-destruction.
If you ever have to deal with Superstar anger, the most important thing to remember is not to respond the way a Passive-Aggressive Histrionic would.
Understate Superstars' transgressions rather than exaggerating them, even slightly. Annoying as they are, Narcissists aren't sadistic like Antisocial Bullies; they don't enjoy inflicting pain for its own sake.
excerpted from work by clinical psychologist Albert Berstein
These vampires believe at the depths of their souls that they are the most important people on earth.If you understand and accept this one central fact, Superstars cease to be a danger and become merely an annoyance. If the fact that they believe themselves to be the crown of creation offends you and makes you want to point out to them that they're not so great as they think they are, get away quickly, because they will destroy you.
Whatever they are and whatever they have is never enough. They always want more. Narcissistic Superstars' abilities, coupled with their tremendous hunger, may bring them success, but never satisfaction. They build empires, lead nations, create great works of art, and amass huge sums of money for one purpose only: to prove how great they are. Superstars may boast incessantly about what they have and what they've done, but once they have it or have done it, whatever it is loses value in their eyes. They always need more. Whether it's money, honors, status symbols, or sexual conquests, Superstars always want something. They get what they want too. Every one of them has a trophy collection. Adding to it is the sole purpose of Narcissists' existence; there is no higher goal.
Superstars love expensive toys. They have to have the best, because it shows that they are the best. An unrelenting drive to achieve and acquire is the center of their personality. There is no point in asking Narcissistic Superstars why they need to have so much and do so much. They don't know, any more than a flower knows why it turns toward the sun. Don't waste your time trying to figure it out. Use it. For all their talent, intelligence, and temporal power, vampire Superstars are pathetically easy to manipulate. Here's how.
First, Kiss Up. There is no way around it. If you want to maintain any sort of relationship with Narcissistic Superstars, you have to admire them, their achievements, and their toys incessantly. Typically, it won't take much effort on your part to kiss up to Superstars. They'll be more than happy to come up with reasons to congratulate themselves. All you have to do is listen and look interested.
Know Your Needs. It's important to know what you want for yourself as clearly as Superstars know what they want for themselves. Superstars always know what they want, and they're always trying to figure out how to get it. If your own needs are unclear to you, or you wait for these vampires to give you what you deserve, you'll never get anything.
Tie Your Needs In with Theirs. Superstars are going to get what they want whether you're a part of it or not. Make yourself a part of it. To get even slightly reasonable treatment from vampire Superstars, you'll have to play all the angles, just as they do.
Narcissistic Superstars always consider whatever they do to be the most valuable part of the process.
They are also sophisticated enough to have all the votes they need before they bring up a motion.Superstars' flagrant disregard of the rules of fairness can enrage the people who work with them, but the anger generally plays right into the Superstars' hands, at least in the short run. To the builders of the system, who are mostly Superstars themselves, impertinent upstarts who get angry about how it operates are simply demonstrating that they aren't smart enough to use it.
Most Superstars see political savvy as the most important trait an individual can possess.Over the long run, these vampires’ value systems tend to distort the organizations they work in to the point that internal politics becomes more important than the product or service the company sells.
Superstar endeavors have a way of drifting away from being driven by product or service toward being driven by politics. These vampires don’t always do the best job, but they do give the best ego massages. If their clients are also Superstars, that’s that matters most.
No amount of negative press will change Narcissistic Superstars. They always have glee clubs of-self-interested supporters to sing their praises.
SUPERSTAR HYPNOSIS
Superstars create an alternate universe in which they are special, and your success and happiness is contingent upon indulging their every whim. If you work for them, their power over you may be sufficient to turn their alternative universe into the one you have to live in. To make things more confusing, these managerial vampires often create systems that they themselves don't understand, because they don't design them. Everything is jury-rigged by employees to compensate for deficiencies in the manager's personality. There is only one rule in such systems: Humor the boss. Superstar vampires like to spout off about teamwork, empowerment, and flattening the organization, blissfully unaware that when they're around all real work stops because job number one is entertaining the boss. The comic strip Dilbert is a far better guide to this kind of organizational structure than any management text.
SUPERSTAR SEX
Superstars are famous for making fools of themselves over sex. People marvel at how such bright people can act like such complete idiots when their pants are off. Why do they do it? Sex is just one of the many forms of adulation that Narcissistic Superstars expect from other people. Superstars are major-league seducers and world-class adulterers, but absolute rookies when it comes to love.
They don't see sex as related to love, at least when they do it. It's not so much the sex that Narcissists like; it's the keeping score. Antisocials pursue sex because it's fun. If a relationship gets too difficult, they tend to move on because there are other fish in the sea. Not Superstars; as a matter of principle, they want every fish, in every ocean, all the time.Sex for Narcissistic vampires is more important as a token of obeisance because it feels good or is a form of human closeness. The problem is that the people they get the sex from don't always feel that way. Superstars are most stupid about using their power as a kind of foreplay. They can delude themselves into thinking that romances are perquisites of their jobs. There are, of course, legal and political implications to the [example of Superstar vampire luring innocent people into sexual relationships, omitted here].
When Superstars want something from people, they actually see them as great and wonderful. That’s why their hypnosis is so effective.
Once Superstars get what they want, their perceptions return to what, for them, is normal – seeing ordinary people as inadequate.The problem is that the people they seduce may still be laboring under the delusion that they are as special as the superstars said they were.
Everyone is affected adversely by Superstars’ peccadillos: the people they seduce, the coworkers who feel they were passed over for promotion, and all the other folks standing on the sidelines watching this soap opera [of office seduction] proceed to its unhappy conclusion so they can get on with their jobs. And that’s even before the lawyers arrive.
SUPERSTAR DEPRESSION AND ANGER
Yes these vampires invariably believe that their lack of satisfaction results from other people criticizing them unfairly or just not making enough effort to please them.
Vampire Superstars tend to experience two different kinds of anger that may be indistinguishable to the outside observer.
In the world of Superstars, incompetence is the gravest crime. Their standards for themselves are high, and even higher for the little people around them whose job it is to keep everything running smoothly so that the Superstars can do their jobs. Needless to say, Superstars get angry quite often, especially if other people's mistakes cause even slight inconvenience. These vampires' favorite tantrum is the condescending lecture on standards of minimal competence. Such lectures seldom have the desired effect of inspiring people to work harder and be more careful. Often Superstars feel, correctly, that the little people around them are purposely ignoring their requests and instructions. This usually leads to more tantrums.
The other kind of anger that Superstars experience is at themselves when they don't win. Their spirits can drop like a stone at the slightest evidence that they've made a mistake.Superstars are their own severest critics, but when they begin criticizing themselves, they always seem to find things to criticize about other people as well. Being angry at everybody else tends to divert Superstars from their disappointment in themselves. It's hard to say whether Superstars get angry because they're depressed or get depressed because they're angry, but it's absolutely certain that when Narcissistic vampires get depressed, everyone gets drained.
Passive-aggressive behavior enrages Superstars, yet they draw it like a magnet. It makes sense. The way they whack people over the head with blunt criticisms, who could blame anybody for retaliating? Superstars, that's who. Narcissistic Superstars and Passive-Aggressive Histrionics are a match made in hell. Each can cause the other to escalate into spasms of self-destruction.
If you ever have to deal with Superstar anger, the most important thing to remember is not to respond the way a Passive-Aggressive Histrionic would.
Understate Superstars' transgressions rather than exaggerating them, even slightly. Annoying as they are, Narcissists aren't sadistic like Antisocial Bullies; they don't enjoy inflicting pain for its own sake.
Superstars are just a bunch of insensitive babies throwing very creative tantrums. Call them irritable, call them obnoxious, call them SOBs, but don't call them abusers. If you use that word, all you'll get from Superstars is defensiveness.If you impugn their reputations, they'll be more interested in proving you wrong than in hearing what you have to say.
excerpted from work by clinical psychologist Albert Berstein
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