Comparison: Violating Anger vs. Liberating Anger


from: Michele Toomey, PhD

Violating Anger
Has a twist
Manipulates the truth
Has a hidden agenda
Attacks to hurt
Blames and proves "guilt"
Is a weapon
Seeks to discredit the other as a person
Has no accountability
Hides behind innocence
Is righteously superior
Assumes another's motives
Needs a villain
Refuses to claim anything
Seeks to punish
Uses information to make a case against the other
Fears exposure
Leads to abuse
Alienates and violates

Liberating Anger
Is straight
Seeks the relief of honest self-expression
Wants to discover the truth
Expresses the hurt and anger
Confronts
Is a tool
Seeks to expose
Demands accountability
Chooses not to hide
Is adamant
Never assumes motives
Rejects villains
Claims its part
Determines consequences for itself
Uses information for clarity/understanding
Values exposure
Leads to intimacy
Liberates

Because anger has such force and potential for violence, it needs to be treated with great discipline and respect. Uncontrolled anger is dangerous and we recognize that even if we don't know how to control it. Unaddressed and unexpressed anger is also dangerous, and we tend not to realize that.

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