Terrorism = Tantrums

Hat tip GIYUS

Ever observed a child having a tantrum? I have. One of my children is learning disabled and has tantrums that resemble cyclones.

Now, how many of you have seen adults have them?

I have - I've seen bosses, people on line at a store and people on mass transit have them. They don't want to "share" or admit to anything. They want it their way. Now.

Of course, we've seen a lot of it online. People who just aren't getting their way. Bloggers who don't like reality or don't deal well with disagreement. And most of all trolls who decide that rather than dealing with things in an adult fashion - like civil debate - they will malign, smear, lie and cheat to gain sympathy and to gain the upper hand. They may even write blog posts about you or covert posts about you to tear you down. Its their site, and they figure - they will wield it like a bat if need be.

Terrorism is a form of a tantrum. Albeit a deadly one. They don't get what they want - they kill you. Of course there's the net terrorists who simply hack websites or spam your comments. And then the ones who shoot up universities, launch kassams or riot in the streets. Wahh waahh waaahhh

What does having a tantrum get them? Same as a child. You'll do anything to make the tantrum stop - so you'll give in, right? Wrong.

So they escalate the tantrum. Again.

Here's a couple of good articles on tantrums & rage in adults.


The Successful Tantrum
How to Win by Losing It.

Initiation
Lose your temper only during an argument or immediately after receiving an offending piece of information. An apology is going to be inevitable, and those are the only two situations that can adequately set one up. Telling someone “I yelled at you because I felt insulted by [situation X]” is a step down the road to mutual understanding.

Likewise, go crazy only if you’re capable of affecting the situation or personal dynamic in question. If you’ve already suffered a disappointment or defeat, are not in the presence of the person who provoked you, or are taking on a clear superior, aggressive behavior only highlights your lack of status, like the vindictive cries of a child who knows, deep down, that making a scene is not actually going to increase his chances of eating
Chicken McNuggets.

Execution
Physically, your actions should be intimidatingly forceful without threatening
anyone else’s person or possessions. Breaking stuff, whether it belongs to a person or a company, leaves you in their debt; actual physical confrontation leaves you liable to a status-deflating retaliatory face-punch and an even more status-deflating immediate firing. Hit things that will make loud noises without breaking, or angrily sweep everything on your own desk onto the floor. Consider keeping a deactivated cell phone to smash into tiny pieces.

Verbally, the same guidelines apply. Express disappointment (the “parental gambit”), confusion, or disillusionment: Screaming, “This is just so fucking sad and pathetic I want to shoot myself!” makes everyone feel bad but contains no words or phrases prohibited by company codes of conduct or hate-speech laws.

The goal is to accentuate someone else’s malfeasance, not commit your own.

Conclusion
Unless you really do hate the people you work with, you should eventually turn your thoughts toward letting your victim save face. With this in mind, wrap things up quickly, and either get out or simmer down. An appropriately bat-shit punctuating gesture—the door-slam is, of course, time-honored—will allow the target of your tirade to look around, shrug, and earn sympathetic looks of “Wow, that sure was crazy” from everyone who witnessed the scene until you come back to say you’re sorry.

Alternately, you can give him an opening to get the proverbial word in edgewise, gradually taking the intensity level down notch by notch to the point where onlookers get bored. Then you can leave for a private conversation or a cup of coffee, returning together to indicate that things are “all good.”

For now …

ORIGINAL

TANTRUMS & THE
DESTRUCTIVE NARCISSIST

The grandiose fantasies of the narcissist inevitably and invariably clash with his drab, routine, and mundane reality. We call this constant dissonance the Grandiosity Gap. Sometimes the gap is so yawning that even the narcissist - however dimly - recognizes its existence.

Still, this insight into his real situation fails to alter his behaviour. The narcissist knows that his grandiose fantasies are incommensurate with his accomplishments, knowledge, status, actual wealth (or lack thereof), physical constitution, or sex appeal - yet, he keeps behaving as though this were untrue.

The situation is further exacerbated by periods of relative success in the narcissist's past. Has-been and also-ran narcissists suffer from a Grandiosity Hangover. They may have once been rich, famous, powerful, brilliant, or sexually irresistible - but they no longer are. Still, they continue to behave as though little has changed.

The balding, potbellied narcissist still courts women aggressively. The impoverished tycoon sinks deeper into debts, trying to maintain an unsustainable and lavish lifestyle. The one-novel author or one-discovery scholar still demands professional deference and expects attention by media and superiors. The once-potent politician maintains regal airs and holds court in great pomp. The wizened actress demands special treatment and throws temper tantrums when rebuffed. The ageing beauty wears her daughter's clothes and regresses emotionally as she progresses chronologically.

Human collectives - firms, nations, clubs - develop Grandiosity Hangovers as easily and as frequently as do individuals. It is not uncommon to come across a group of people who still live in a bygone buy glorious past. This mass pathology is self- reinforcing.

Members feed on each other's delusions, pretensions, and lies. Ostrich-like, they bury their collective head in the sand of time, harking back to happier moments of omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence.

The Grandiosity Hangover and the Grandiosity Gap are the two major vulnerabilities of the narcissist. By exploiting them, the narcissist can be effortlessly manipulated. This is especially true when the narcissist is confronted with authority, finds himself in an inferior position, or when his Narcissistic Supply is deficient or uncertain.

Here are a few of the things the narcissist finds devastating: Any statement or fact, which seems to contradict his inflated perception of his grandiose self. Any criticism, disagreement, exposure of fake achievements, belittling of 'talents and skills' which the narcissist fantasizes that he possesses, any hint that he is subordinated, subjugated, controlled, owned or dependent upon a third party. Any description of the narcissist as average and common, indistinguishable from many others. Any hint that the narcissist is weak, needy, dependent, deficient, slow, not intelligent, naive, gullible, susceptible, not in the know, manipulated, a victim.

The narcissist is likely to react with rage to all these and, in an effort to re-establish his fantastic grandiosity, he is likely to expose facts and stratagems he had no conscious intention of exposing.

The narcissist reacts with narcissistic rage, hatred, aggression, or violence to an infringement of what he perceives to be his entitlement.

Narcissists believe that they are so unique and that their lives are so cosmically significant that others should defer to their needs and cater to their every whim without ado. The narcissist feels entitled to special treatment by unique individuals, over and above the regular person.

Tell the narcissist that he and his motives are transparent and can be easily gauged, that he will do what he is told, that his temper tantrums will not be tolerated, that no special concessions will be made to accommodate his inflated sense of self, that he is subject to court procedures, etc. - and the narcissist will lose control.