Standing By Your Sex-Hobbyist -Man; Because It's Your Fault Too?

THE FALLEN MIGHTY


Why is it that the most self-righteous or homophobic or religious and/or outwardly Puritanical politicians (on either side of the aisle) always end up in some horrible scandal? Like David Vitter, Mark Foley, Bob Allen and now - Senator Craig's bathroom hijinks. It follows that the people I have known who make the most noise: "I would NEVER see a hooker!" or "I am not gay" (just two of the various comments I've heard over the years from hypocrites) are seeing high end hookers, having gay sex on their lunch hours or after work. And it seems the more extreme they are in their beliefs, the more pervy they are in real life.

What the heck? Do these guys really think just SAYING it will help them cope? Or that we are that blind & stupid? If you're gay, so what - be gay and move on to the issues. And stop with the "my wife & I have moved on" crap. Vitter's wife said prior to this she'd cut his 'family jewels' off if she ever caught him. I predict you'll hear Vitter go on & on about his 'wonderful wife' for a few years before he goes right back to it. Now Mrs. Vitter's the sad, supportive wife? How many times have we seen this one folks? Anyone buying it?

The media is all over these stories also - which divert us from many of the real stories. Iraq, Israel, hearings in Washington looking for accountability.

So, herewith are a couple takes on the current morass. (pardon the pun)

The Deeper Meaning in the Republican Sex Scandals
By Susie Bright

Another Gay-bashing, Klan-loving, Pulpit-Slurping, Republican has disgraced himself.

No, make that two.

Let's start with the Christian Coalition's favorite son, Louisiana senator David Vitter.

There's not enough Boudreaux Buttpaste in the world that can wipe-clean a career like Vitter's-- now better known as The Guy Who Frequents Prostitutes and Asks To Wear a Diaper.

Apparently the whores of New Orleans call him "Vitter the Shitter." And don't even ask about his love child -- who, one can only hope, is kept well-stocked with Pampers.

I hate the way a hypocrite like this can drag the good name of kinky sex through the mud.

Vitter refuses to resign, of course. He and his wife took the neo-Antoinette position at their recent press conference: "Let them eat shit."

David said God, and His Wife Wendy, were willing to move on -- and so should everyone else. After all, he still has plenty of gay marriages to wreck, and black voters to disenfranchise! Let the man get on with his work!

But his better half upstaged him. Wendy showed up for the cameras in a low-cut leopard print dress and giant hoop earrings, to say she's forgiven Davy for everything and it was time for the press to leave their family alone.

She needs more than sartorial assistance:

In 2000, Vitter was included in a Newhouse News Service story about the strain of congressional careers on families.

His wife, Wendy, was asked by the Newhouse reporter: If her husband were as unfaithful as Livingston or former President Bill Clinton, would she be as forgiving as Hillary Rodham Clinton?

"I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary," Wendy Vitter told Newhouse News. "If he does something like that, I'm walking away with one thing, and it's not alimony, trust me."

"I think fear is a very good motivating factor in a marriage," she added. "Don't put fear down.

I'm scared.

Watch the campaign videos of Vitter's last election, where his wife asked him to change their baby's nappie.

Read Jon Swift's satire on how Gay Marriage Ruined Vitter's Life.

Follow the Diaper investigation, load by load.

Or maybe you've been turned into a pillar of salt and find yourself unable to move.

Don't worry, there's another distraction. Vitter is momentarily overshadowed by Congressman Bob Allen of Florida. Allen is such a pest at the men's public toilets that that it was only after the THIRD time (in an hour) that he waltzed in to make a play, that an undercover cop finally busted him for solicitation.

And gee, Bob was offering men $20 to go down on them. Jeff Gannon must be wrending his garments:

...The 48 year old Republican Representative was arrested today on second degree misdemeanor charges for solicitation for prostitution. And the twist is that he's a married man, and was asking an undercover cop in a men's room if he could pay him to give him a blowjob. It's so GOP!

Allen was out for a little afternoon delight and got nabbed at noon in Titusville, Florida.

"Officers say they noticed Allen acting suspicious as he went in and out of the men's restroom 3 times. Minutes later, he solicited an undercover male officer inside the restroom, offering to perform oral sex for $20."

He was first elected in 2000 and lists "water sports" as a hobby on his official state website.

The Christian Coalition loves loved Rep. Allen. Like Vitter (and Foley) and the rest of the Republican hypocrites, he was strong on the family values bullshit. In the last session of the Florida legislature, the Christian Coalition commends him for supporting their (extremist, hateful) positions 92% of the time. The Rainbow Democratic club also rates all the elected officials in the area. Allen? "Wicked Witch: Worst of the Worst."

The headlines and photos say it all. I don't know how The Daily Show could improve it. But I do have a couple of editorial comments:

1. Vitter's defiance, to refuse resignation, is the default Bush strategy, the corporate-politics vamp. You refuse to take responsibility for anything, and deny the obvious. If they can't force the scepter out of your hand, you hold on for dear life, and keep cashing the checks. You simply write your own reality.

2. A few sincere conservatives are calling for Vitter's scalp. But not most of his base. If you read the Times Picayune comments and stories, you'll see the general sentiment-- most people haven't budged from their original position, be it Democrat, Republican, or Indifferent.

The one thing that could change Vitter's standing with his supporters, sad to say, is if evidence appears that Vitter is a "race-traitor."

I wish I could laugh at such a quaint expression, but it's very much alive in this man's community. If Vitter is found to have had so much as a chaste vanilla kiss with a black woman over 21, he will be crucified by the segregationist, white supremacist freaks who put him into office.

This fear of "the unpardonable sin" may be why Larry Flynt still has a swarm of detectives interviewing the New Orleans sex trade to unearth the worst. Flynt's not looking for more diapers -- Louisiana good ole' boys don't care if Vitter walked around with a pacifier in his mouth -- as long as his momma was white.

Perhaps the most Gothic twist on American racism is that it has sat out its "politically incorrect" phase by hiding its language under homophobia and sex-bashing, which is still (marginally) more palatable.

"Code-switching" is exactly what Jerry Falwell did in his "make-over," along with all the other publicity-minded, "whites-only" conservative figures of the South.

In 1981, as he lay dying, Lee Atwater (Karl Rove's mentor) confessed the GOP's "Southern Strategy" to win elections. Note the use of the second person narative:

...You start out in 1954 by saying, "Nigger, nigger, nigger."

[But] by 1968 you can't say 'nigger' -- that hurts you. Backfires. So you say stuff like "forced busing," "states' rights," and all that stuff.

You're getting so abstract now [that] you're talking about cutting taxes, and all these things you're talking about are totally economic things ... and a byproduct of them is [that] blacks get hurt worse than whites.

If I could raise Atwater from the dead, I bet he'd agree with me that when the GOP realized that "abstraction" didn't raise the passion/votes they needed, they turned to abortion-screaming and gay-bashing.

Not because of sentiment or faith! -- No, the South had a traditional tolerance for queers and hushed-up pregnancies -- read your Tennessee Williams. But this new kind of sex-fiend pandering is a device to proclaim, "nigger nigger nigger" without mentioning the forbidden words.

Every time a politician says, "Stop gays!" on his campaign literature, he's pressing euphemisms to make his racial position clear -- and no one needs a cheat sheet.

Susie Bright is an author, editor, and journalist known for her original and pioneering work in sexual politics and erotic expression. She writes about sex and politics every day at her blog.

SOURCE

NBC Launches To Catch a Senator
by Andy Borowitz

Dateline, the NBC newsmagazine which has scored big ratings for its To Catch a Predator investigations, announced today that it would introduce a new investigative series this fall, entitled To Catch a Senator.

At a press conference in New York, NBC News president Steve Capus said that To Catch a Senator would focus the Dateline investigation team's energies on "the number one menace in America today: pervy Republican senators."

While he indicated that plans for the program are still being developed, Mr. Capus said that To Catch a Senator would use an airport bathroom as the nerve center for its sting operation.

Specifically, he said that the program would deploy Predator host Chris Hansen as a decoy to lure depraved senators into lewd contact.

"Chris will be waiting in one of the bathroom stalls, and when the senator taps on the wall, Chris will kind of pop out of the stall and start grilling him," Mr. Capus said. "We'll nail that bastard faster than he can say 'I'm not gay.'"

But even as NBC trumpeted its latest Dateline spin-off, industry insiders wondered whether there would be an adequate supply of sex-crazed senators to keep the program going for more than a few episodes.

For his part, Mr. Capus brushed off such concerns, telling reporters, "As long as there are Republican senators out there who oppose gay marriage, there will always be plenty of pervs."

Elsewhere, President Bush praised Pakistan's General Pervez Musharraf for agreeing to stand for election, saying, "If free and fair elections work in Pakistan, we may eventually try them here."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com.


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