Deception = Awareness of The Truth

My friend Anna had a disordered parent like I did. Often when we discuss it, it's almost like we had the same parent. There is an understanding between us and other ACONS (Adult Children of Narcissists) that is only possible between people who have been through a war - and know the terror, rage and empty feeling that comes from knowing you meant nothing to that parent other than a prop to be used and abused. The very person who is supposed to UNCONDITIONALLY love & nuture you twists you into an abuse-ignoring, bad-treatment accepting blind person who has to take back their lives, inch by excruciating inch.

And then -- somehow come to terms with what love really is and with what was missing in their lives that can never, ever be replaced or reparented.

Anna's blog is a must-read for me and anyone who's been through this sort of growing up.

Reminder - that anyone who has/ had and abusive partner, friend, coworker, boss, parent or watched politicians for a few years will be able to relate to what Anna says here.

Ways That Narcissists Show They Are Aware of the Crimes
by Anna Valerious

As I have reflected on history with my narcissistic mother I have been able to see clear indications of her awareness of her crimes against me. I suspect you've seen the same indications with your own narcissist.

I'll name a couple of them:

1) All my life she has hated my friends.

I know now it is because they have always been a threat to her control of my mind. She made it clear to me, starting when I was very young, that I was not allowed to speak of the things that went on in our house. It was none of anyone's business, she would say. It was repeated often that talking about her or our family life was wrong, disloyal, bad.

(Even though she freely gossips to whoever about immediate family members when it suits her.)

Despite the ongoing propaganda she was never sure whether or not I was sharing things with my friends; she always imagined signs that they didn't like her and how that was directly my fault.

It is likely you've also seen this paranoia and active campaign against any and all of your friendships.

Proof one: Her need to hide facts is a sign of someone who knows on some level that their behavior is wrong. On some level narcissists know that they are abusing, using and hurting you.

2) Another thing is that she lies, covers up and minimizes her bad actions of past and present.

When someone lies then you have direct proof that they know the truth.

If she didn't know that her behaviors were bad then she'd have no need to lie about them. The rages, the martyr act, the helpless act, the many and varied manipulations are all ways that the N are trying to control your perceptions of them. They are trying to control your mind so you will reflect back to them how they want to see themselves. It is all deception. Varied forms of it.

The use of deception in any and all its forms is proof of an awareness of truth.

SOURCE