A Day to Bare Our Souls - and Find Ourselves

MARS & VENUS DUKE IT OUT AT THE WATERCOOLER

Surprise, surprise - men's anger is more valid in the workplace than women's. Women are seen as "out of control." This is news?

I want to be clear that I do NOT HATE men. I was very close to my father, of blessed memory - who I believe was an abused man. I also have a great relationship with my brother and have a number of men friends (just friends... no more relationships for me). A couple are abused men - the woman in their lives behavior is just as appalling to me. Human beings should treat each other with respect and empathy. Unfortunately its a ME-ME World.

That said, working with mostly abused women sometimes I think I am listening to a tape on a loop. The guy invariably has some excuse for his behavior. CLICK HERE For some good ones. And if you don't buy it, they get furious with you. You're a bitch, a man-hater, a lesbian and other words I won't give bandwith too.

But let the woman get angry about the way she's been treated and she's: a nutjob, a wacko, hormonal, pms-ing, out of control, crazy, a complete bitch, a liar or an abuser herself.

A lot of abusive people have personality disorders. They certainly aren't about to admit or see they have a problem, therefore they will never get help. I tell my colleagues in the domestic violence advocacy field, "they don't have an anger management problem. They have a problem with YOUR anger. You see, you are not entitled to your anger or pain or hurt when they abuse, mistreat, malign, blame-shift, project or lie about you. You are supposed to take it." Also, by getting angry or "righteous" about it - the abuser shifts the focus from his behavior on to the somewhat fabricated injustice YOUR anger has loaded on him. How dare you ask them to take responsibility!

(By the way, heaven forbid you CATCH an abuser or manipulator cheating, lying, backstabbing or manipulating. You can only imagine the lengths they will go to in their smear campaigns to make you look equally bad or worse! If only they'd put that kind of energy into healing the pain and getting help.)

Believe me, when the genders are switched? The mechanism is the same.

How we are still allowing this in the 21st Century is beyond me. For me its simply does not compute.

Angry men get ahead while Angry women penalized
By Claudia Parsons


Excerpts:
A man who gets angry at work may well be admired for it but a woman who shows anger in the workplace is liable to be seen as "out of control" and incompetent, according to a new study presented on Friday.

What's more, the finding may have implications for Hillary Clinton as she attempts to become the first female U.S. president, according to its author Victoria Brescoll, a post-doctoral scholar at Yale University.

The average salary assigned to the angry man was almost $38,000 compared to about $23,500 for the angry woman and in the region of $30,000 for the other two candidates.

"Participants rated the angry female CEO as significantly less competent than all of the other targets, including even the angry female trainee," Brescoll wrote. She said they viewed angry females as significantly more "out of control."

The study, to be presented this weekend at the annual meeting of the Academy of Management, a research and teaching organization with nearly 17,000 members, found similar attitudes to anger among male and female participants.

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