A Humble & Heartfelt Thank You!

A HEARTFELT THANK YOU!!!

This weekend my other blog got it's 500,000th hit. That's 1/2 a Million hits in the 6 years since I opened that site to the public.

I am honored and awed that so many have found resources and answers there. I am moved often to tears by the thank you emails I get from women & men who found the strength and information they needed to reclaim their lives there.

I started that blog in November, 2003 as a way to keep my own personal research on abuse private and out of view from people around me, including my abusive ex. As a voracious reader and a research junkie... I needed answers and I got them.

Five years ago I was (for hopefully the LAST time in my life), 'emotionally & psychologically raped' by a narcissistic sociopath. A man who I had cared for more than 1/2 my life and had no idea of his true nature for 27 years. I was left feeling very used & alone with no one to trust. Particularly myself. I made a decision to open this site to the public not only for my own therapy - but because the pain I realized so many others were going through was similar to mine.

I won't tell anyone what to do about the abuse in their lives. I know I personally turned a blind eye to it for years and even rationalized it away. I learned that one big reason was because I was raised by a pathological parent so had no idea and was brainwashed to 'accept the unacceptable'. On this site I simply put the information out there. You must reach your own decisions.

In the last years many, many painful revelations have come for me. Only through reading, therapy and helping others - has any of what I have personally experienced made any sense at all.

In 2004 after finally getting clarity on one of the more soul-rending experiences I had - being abused, I decided that only by trying to help others could I be right with myself about decisions I had made. Despite that individual spending untold hours trying unsuccessfully to scrub his tracks from the net, I learned by telling - I would be free and validate others at the same time. Since I am not being allowed to make any direct amends for the wrongs I participated in, I am hoping that site helps others - and somehow heals us all.

I know first hand what it is to be taken advantage of, brainwashed, emotionally raped, used, lied to, manipulated, laughed at, slandered, covertly abused, ignored, sexually used, psychologically abused and much more. I spend time seeing where people who visit here come from... what groups & links brought them there.... and what I post hopefully answers that.

I want to remind all of you that I am trying to make that site a one-stop-shopping place. I don't push anyone to any of the links. If you see something that you think belongs here, or that this site needs to address - please email me. (link at right)

The sad thing about that site reaching 500,000 hits is that it shows the deep need for validation. That abuse, particularly non-physical abuse, is running rampant.

Sociopathy and Narcissism are becoming more prevalent in our society. Women & men are suffering in silence every day for a variety of reasons -- embarrassment, lack of information, feeling alone, thinking their situation is unique, etc.

And the Internet has opened not only avenues for predators to stalk and prey on the vulnerable & trusting but new pathways for victims to find healing and fellowship.

I believe in the "Bumblebee Effect." The Bumblebee Effect says that a bumblebee flapping its wings in Italy, can cause an eventual tornado in Toledo, Ohio.

I believe in not just talking the talk, but walking the walk.

I have participated in hands on support of other abused women as I attempt to muddle through my own ongoing issues.

Ironically, 3/29, the date 10,000 hits was reached by that site, was the birthdate of my original, first abuser. My history has a lot of varying types of abuse in it; abuse that I translated into my personal life - and I am determined that it will stop with me. How about you?

Again, I thank each and every one who uses this site. I want to especially thank Jude - who showed me what blogging was, Shira, Sandra, Nani, Linda, Holly, Sandy Brown, Kathy Krajco, Anna Valerious, Lisa E. Scott and my friends & family who listened to me, who - when I showed them everything - still supported me & understood, cried with me and helped me not demonize the computer but turn it into a tool for good.

Currently, I am saving money to become a relationship coach for victims of pathologicals. Any donations you give me will go straight to my coaching through the Institute for the Reduction of Relational Harm.

And most of all, my therapist of 15 years, the late Dr. Kathryn Faughey - who when I showed her this site told me emphatically to "Continue!" and gave me advice, support, straight talk and compassion.

I even want to say thank you to my abusers - who forced me to look for ways keep putting one foot in front of the other - and who showed me that even Evil looks just like you & me.

Bless you all -
I remain your humble servant & fellow victim-survivor