During the last few weeks of travelling with my children I had some wonderful opportunities to educate them, show them America, re-acquaint them with family and meet some other great people working to end abuse here and in other countries while brainstorming about pro-active approaches to making that happen.
One of them gave me a copy of Mia Farrow's book WHAT FALLS AWAY. I have a lifelong habit of reading a little before I go to bed so I thanked this person and accepted the book. It was published in 1997 and wasn't something I would have chosen myself but I am very glad I read it. It has been on my mind ever since.
Let me say as an advocate to end abuse & domestic violence, a lot about Farrow's book rang true. Her deep love for Frank Sinatra, who was unfortunately controlling and mercurial, her intellectual love for Andre Previn - with whom she had twins - and the marriage ended when each of their jobs just kept them apart too much. And of course, the public scandal of her relationship with Woody Allen.
After what I read, knowing what I know about abusive relationships, mind control, manipulation and blame shifting - I will never - I repeat ever - see another Woody Allen movie again. Manhattan has always been among my favorites but I doubt I will ever be able to look at it the same way again.
Allen's abusive to his parents and his sister, that's clear. Farrow never said right out he's a pervert with a thing for little girls. She doesn't have to. Allen's put downs, passive aggressive behavior, attempts to paint Farrow as a 'nutjob', his use of the lame 'woman scorned' defense against her and Allen's narcissistic shock tactics are all too familiar to anyone who works with emotionally & verbally abused women. Or has been there themselves.
But Farrow doesn't just expect you to believe her words - she publishes the judge's opinion on the custody battle between she and Allen in 1992. She backs it all up with hard facts - and kudos to her for doing so. As I tell many of the victims I work with, "don't list to their words - watch THEIR ACTIONS." And Farrow puts it all out there, even her own stupidity - and lets the reader decide. Nowadays, Farrow still does some great work and is a Goodwill Ambassador for UNICEF.
Allen? He's still making movies. He married Soon-Yi Previn 10 years ago and they have adopted not one, but two little girls. He currently lives in - where else - France. Quelle Surprise.
from CNN.com:
Six years ago, actress Mia Farrow and film director Woody Allen split up. Farrow had discovered that Allen was having an affair with her adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn. Farrow was shocked.
Allen and Previn married. Now they have a daughter. Farrow's shocked again.
"I don't know how the courts permitted this," Farrow told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution before a lecture Monday, "especially in light of a judge not allowing Mr. Allen to see his own children."
"I'm frightened for that infant," she added. "I guess if you have enough celebrity, you can snow anybody."
It is infrequent that a biography of a "celebrity" includes passages or events that resonate on such a personal level with the rest of us, but "What Falls Away" could have been any woman's story (minus the Hollywood element, of course). There is, most certainly, name-dropping and anecdotes involving the famous and infamous, but this biography is more a woman's story than that of a celebrity.
There are few people living in America during the '90's unfamiliar with the media frenzy regarding Ms. Farrow's courtroom drama with director Woody Allen, but that drama is a small portion of "What Falls Away". Mia Farrow recounts the full range of her life, from a childhood struggle with polio, the loss of a beloved brother, and the grief of watching your family disintegrate as parents drift apart. Throughout it all, Ms. Farrow provides a very honest, if at times melodramatic, narrative.
Although her life unfolds within the constant scrutiny of the Hollywood fish bowl, Ms. Farrow is able to convey the process of grief, the struggle with perfectionism and fear and surviving the devastation of betrayal in very real terms. No matter their circumstances, any reader is likely to stumble upon some kernel to which they can relate. "What Falls Away" examines the messiness and complexities of a life with a welcome degree of honesty.
In all truthfulness, however, the portions of the book devoted to Ms. Farrow's relationship with Woody Allen read like the story of any dysfunctional relationship. Verbal and emotional abuse escalate over the years accompanied by Ms. Farrow's heightened neediness and dependency. Had a close friend retold this as their story, most reader's would immediately ask 'What are you thinking? Why are you letting this happen to yourself and your children?' Viewing the story externally, it is easy to make these judgements, but as any abuse survivor will explain, at the time and within the context of this type of relationship, such a reasoned perspective is elusive.
The inclusion of court documents at the book's end, may or may not have been necessary, but it does lend and air of credibility to Ms. Farrow's recounting of her relationship with Mr. Allen. Frankly, it is hard not to read them and feel overwhelming frustration, anger and disgust.
The real story in this biography, however, is larger than this one portion of her life. Mia Farrow could be any woman. She struggles with issues of self-esteem, flawed judgment, a lifetime of grief and emotional need, and a desire to build as healthy and full a life as possible. In looking beyond the celebrity and glitz, "What Falls Away" is a worth reading simply because it is a true introspection to which any woman can relate.
About the Author : Catie Hayes is founder/editor of WomanLinks.com; a community of support, spirituality, growth and empowerment for women. She is a freelance writer, the single homeschooling mom of two, and an avid fan of laughter, spontaneous dancing, cats and chocolate (not necessarily in that order).
ORIGINAL REVIEW
A Quiz for Anyone Who Thinks They May Be A Part of an Abusive Relationship (marriage, work, love, friends, etc)
How can one tell that abuse is going on?
The following questionnaire is a list of points presented by various experts as evidence of abuse. Ask a respondent the following and if she admits that any item is a chronic part of the relationship, then abuse is almost certainly taking place.
Has your partner ever:
- called you names, made you feel badly about yourself or humiliated you?
- ignored your feelings or withheld approval, appreciation or affection to punish you?
- insulted your most valued beliefs, religion, heritage, ideals or class?
- tried to control what you do, with whom you spend time and where you go?
- taken control of the family's finances or prevented you from working?
- threatened to hurt you or your children, or threatened to leave you?
- smashed things, destroyed property, given you looks or made gestures that make you feel afraid or intimidated?
- punished your children when he was angry with you?
- abused pets to hurt you?
- manipulated you with lies and contradictions to make you doubt your grasp of reality? Has your partner ever said "you're crazy" or tried to make you feel that you are crazy? Have they tried to tell other people you are "the abusive one, " "crazy," "lying," "stalking them," or other things about you which you know aren't factual?
FEEL FREE TO SHARE THAT QUIZ WITH ANYONE YOU CARE ABOUT WHOM YOU FEAR IS BEING ABUSED AND URGE THEM TO GET HELP.
PLEASE CLICK HERE TO JBLOG ME
Comments