REQUIEM FOR A TRUSTED COUNSELOR

For the most part, 99% of the comments I get on this site are positive or intelligent in their disagreement for me to post them.

But sometimes we bloggers get comments that are nasty, accusatory or just completely out to lunch.

And I have had a few of those in the last couple days about my therapist and friend's murder - Dr. Kathryn Faughey.

I decided that I would "respond" to them here. On my own blog. I don't believe in spreading hate or nastiness - and getting into a p*ssing contest on a board isn't my idea of adult "discourse."

I had a few comments of the "she should have known" or "anyone who treats mentally ill people are asking for it" variety. Stupid comments like that don't deserve an explanation. Dr. Faughey was a consummate professional. Not a psychic. No crime victim "knows" ahead of time. She obviously fought for her life like crazy against this animal. Her office is like 1000s of therapy offices in NYC. No different. I'm sure (without being there) she was taken by surprise and had no idea this person was lethal. She may not have even known him. The investigation is still ongoing. This lady had a family and friends - stop blaming the victim - she was a wonderful person. Have some respect.

Second, my "favorite" comment is that since I saw her for 15 years I am "definitely crazy." O.K. point taken. ;)

But, as an anti-abuse advocate I believe that

FUNDAMENTALLY HEALTHY PEOPLE ARE THE ONES WHO KNOW WHEN THEY NEED HELP - AND ASK FOR IT.

The worst I have met are the narcissists, sociopaths, borderlines and others who are so full of ego they can't imagine "talking to" someone. Why? Because they are perfect. Or if they DO talk to someone, they only stay one or two sessions - because:

1. why would a "perfect" person need therapy? (LOL) and
2. they don't want anyone interfering with their fragile version of reality (usually one that portrays them as a "victim" of those THEY victimize).

Dr. Faughey and I discussed this a number of times, as I have been unfortunate enough to have some of these truly sick people in my life... which is partly what sent me to therapy!

My relationship with her was professional and not constant. When I first saw her I went regularly for a number of years. She wasn't a believer in endless therapy and neither am I. I had an abusive parent for one and other issues in my life that were causing me to be depressed enough that it was interfering with my life & functioning. When I got through that I stopped going but we left the door open should I need her in the future.

A couple years later I did - going for a few months until I felt comfortable with that life change - then one of my parents passed away and then the other in quick succession - she helped me through that - and so on. When a deeply traumatic incident was done to me four years ago - I went back for a while to deal with the aftermath. Her door was always open to me. Either in person or on the phone. I trusted her completely, she knew my story and I knew she was there.

Others have accused me of "sainting" her or putting her in a mommy or daddy status. I HAD parents, thank you. Dr. Faughey probably had her personal faults & idiosyncracies, I am sure. But out of respect for her family & friends and because she kept healthy professional distance with me, I will say I can only speak from my experience with her. There were times in counseling we disagreed on courses of action. But I had respect for her and she had my complete trust. My world will not collapse without her - but after a professional relationship that went on 15 years, when I needed her - it will be impossible to replace her.

Did I need 15 years of therapy? At times, I believe so - yes. Does that make me "sick"? I am not qualified to make a diagnosis. As one therapist I know personally said, only truly sick people refuse to believe they are sick and need help. Amen. And if you want to rip me down personally for standing up publicly to help add a human face to this gruesome murder, I am fine with that. That I was in therapy is no shame. I am a human being and needed help and Dr. Faughey was there for me.

Everyone should have a compassionate professional in their lives like her. One who is always ready to listen, to not judge, to offer common sense and to share their humanity. She had a great sense of humor and always helped me see the irony and absurdity in life's hardships.

God Bless Dr. Faughey and I hope to be able to offer my condolences in person in the next couple days to her family.

May God help the NYPD find her murderer and bring them to justice swiftly.

MORE ON THIS CASE - CLICK HERE