Chris Brown and the Non-Apology

Have we all heard about Chris Brown beating up Rhianna? You haven't? Then please come out of your cave because I am about to vent. I have been there and been called all the same names Brown is calling Rihanna as well as being the recipient of the lamest "apologies" ever.

Mr. Brown, no matter "what kind of person" Rhianna "really is" or how she's "crazy" or a "scorned woman" - nothing, I repeat NOTHING justifies you beating her up. All bets were off the minute you laid a hand on her. And frankly, we are all getting damn tired of you abusive, manipulative, selfish jerks calling women archaic names just to take the heat off yourself. You're an ABUSER, Mr. Brown... man up and take some responsibility for your actions.

And your apology? Let me thank you for yet another great example of NARCISSISM at work. It's meaningless... doesn't take ANY responsibility for your actions... doesn't own or acknowledge your actions... it's bull... You do not need ANGER MANAGEMENT. You need to grow up and do batterer counseling and get into an intensive program for pathologicals. I know you're only 19 but ...hmmm... let's see: how about all the radio stations stop playing your music, your family cuts off your money and you go sweep up and scrub toilets at a DV Shelter for a couple months?

Rihanna - you're a beautiful, talented girl. DITCH THIS LOSER for good and find someone who treats you with respect - even when you both argue. And who doesn't beat you down physically, emotionally or verbally.


"Powerful and sneaky people use apologies as end runs around repentance. They betray a trust; and, when they have been found out, they say they are sorry for "mistakes in judgement"... They get by only because we have lost our sense of the difference between repentance for wrong and apologies for bungling...

We should not let each other get away with it. A deep and unfair hurt is not a mere faux pas. We cannot put up with everything from everyone; some things are intolerable.

When someone hurts us deeply and unfairly an apology will not do the job; it only trivializes a wrong that should not be trifled with." -- - Lewis B. Smedes, "Forgive and Forget"

BROWN'S APOLOGY ' LACKING PUNCH

A "sorry" Chris Brown offered a mea culpa yesterday - but didn't say exactly what he was apologizing for.

The R&B singer, who was busted after allegedly beating his girlfriend, pop star Rihanna, said he was "sorry and saddened" - but also bashed the media for mostly getting the story "wrong."

Brown, 19, took a full week to make the statement, which doesn't even mention Rihanna by name. Nor does it give his version of what happened Feb. 8 between him and the 20-year-old singer in Los Angeles.

"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired," Brown said.

"I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones, and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person."

The statement, issued through Brown's spokesman, Michael Sitrick, then takes a crack at the massive amount of media attention paid to the story.

"Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong," Brown said, without pointing out specific examples.

"While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or anyplace else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds."

Brown, who is free on $50,000 bail after being arrested on suspicion of making criminal threats, is due in Los Angeles court on March 5.

The LA District Attorney's Office is continuing to investigate whether to charge Brown with a more serious crime.

Rihanna identified him as the man who attacked her in a Lamborghini in Hollywood.

The Barbados-born singer "suffered visible injuries" in the assault, which occurred after she left with Brown from a pre-Grammy Awards party, according to cops.

Both Brown and Rihanna had been scheduled to perform at the Grammys the evening of the alleged attack, but neither showed up.

Rihanna's mentor, Jay-Z, said, "Just imagine it being your sister or mom, and then think about how we should talk about that."

On Saturday, Rihanna's father reportedly said his daughter had broken up with Brown.

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Now to let the professionals speak:

"[APOLOGIES] are not some pious, phoney-baloney, half-hearted rendition of what you think they want to hear. Nor is it a watered-down, politically correct 'confession' that you think will buy you closure at the expense of truth... [admit] what you are doing to screw up your life. This also means admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you're doing, however sick or subtle those payoffs are." - Dr. Phil McGraw"

MEANINGLESS APOLOGIES
Just because he never believes he could possibly be wrong does not mean that the narcissist never apologises. He is capable of every kind of display of remorse imaginable, from tossing out a sarcastic or casual, "I'm sorry" right through to crying and pleading with you like a devastated child.

With most abusers and particularly with narcissists, this is not a real apology, no matter how remorseful he may seem. It is a means to an end and no more.

What it really means is, "let's pretend this never happened so that I can do it to you again".

One of the talents that children of narcissists in particular tend to develop, is the ability to see what is really being done and hear what is really being said. We have spent our entire lives dodging the bullets and sheer survival has forced us to expend a lot of energy in trying to identify them before they hit. We can never dodge them, but we're a bunch of real die-hards who never stop trying. We just need to learn to trust our gut. - If it feels insincere, then it is. If it feels unbelievable, then don't believe it.

Our downfall however is that we are hopeless dreamers. We believe in fairy tales and a narcissistic parent is the biggest fairy tale you can get. We keep wanting desperately to believe.

A partner of a narcissist is not much different. You want so much to believe them because if you have to admit to yourself that it is all a lie, the dream will be shattered. The dream is all you've ever had. If that dies, you fear your very soul dying too.

The reality is that your soul won't die. The dream will. Some of your innocence and gullibility will, but so will the conflicts, the deception, the games, the vulnerability and the constantly recurring pain.

Every time that you believe his empty sorry, you are giving him permission to continue.

If you really want to give the relationship an honest chance, accepting his sorry should have conditions attached:

• get professional help;
• stick with the program; and
• achieve a real change in attitude that reflects in behaviors.

If you demand or accept any less than this, you're going to keep living through the same old nightmare over and over again.

SOURCE

Take A Bow -

CLICK HERE IF YOU ARE ON AN AGGREGATOR TO SEE THE ABOVE GREAT VIDEO

Here ya' go, one of my favorite songs -- in case you didn't get it the first couple times Mr. Brown! (Puhleeze... what else is on...)