Treated as an Object
To be in a relationship with a narcissist is to be treated as an object. If you've ever been treated as an object before, for example being a victim of sexual molestation or incest as a child, you may be susceptible to the wiles of the narcissist. [Many women are] deeply wounded by this type of parent or partner.
Because the narcissist lacks self-esteem, he must get it via the reflection of those people and things he surrounds himself with. Since you're merely an object of reflection for him, he can't hear, understand, or acknowledge you.
One [victim] finally gathered the strength to leave a long, draining, marriage to a narcissist. At one point he demanded to know why she didn't just sit him down and simply tell him what was wrong. She turned to him, stunned, and said flatly, "I've been telling you for years. You can't hear me."
"But I give you everything you want!" he wailed. " I give you money, and freedom, and you don't have to work-- I give you everything! What have I done to deserve this?"
And she replied, "You don't give me what I want, you give me what you want me to have. There's a difference."
Since the only needs a narcissist is able to care about are his own, it would be as if his child came to him in the middle of the night, and said, "Daddy, I'm thirsty," and Daddy replied, "I'm not, go back to bed."
Narcissists look at the world from the standpoint of what they can get out of it, how they can use people to get their own needs met, with no thought of others needs.
What little self-esteem she has left is in shreds, and she may develop anxiety, panic attacks, and/or depression. Some [victims] in narcissistic relationships are on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety drugs, they aren't sleeping normally, and are drinking, gambling, smoking pot, eating too much or not enough.
They tend to come across as sort of shell-shocked and hollow, and they exhibit symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is most commonly linked with war trauma, battered women and victims of rape or other violent crimes, but it can also occur from growing up in a dangerous home.
SOURCE
HAT TIP: Bye Bye Jekyll & Hyde
...he criticised and undermined any pastimes, hobbies or anything I became interested in to the point where I lost heart in all of them...He can't acknowledge or respond to your needs, because he only sees you as an extension of himself, a reflection. If you express a need, he immediately perceives it as an attack on himself.
Because the narcissist lacks self-esteem, he must get it via the reflection of those people and things he surrounds himself with. Since you're merely an object of reflection for him, he can't hear, understand, or acknowledge you.
One [victim] finally gathered the strength to leave a long, draining, marriage to a narcissist. At one point he demanded to know why she didn't just sit him down and simply tell him what was wrong. She turned to him, stunned, and said flatly, "I've been telling you for years. You can't hear me."
"But I give you everything you want!" he wailed. " I give you money, and freedom, and you don't have to work-- I give you everything! What have I done to deserve this?"
And she replied, "You don't give me what I want, you give me what you want me to have. There's a difference."
Since the only needs a narcissist is able to care about are his own, it would be as if his child came to him in the middle of the night, and said, "Daddy, I'm thirsty," and Daddy replied, "I'm not, go back to bed."
Narcissists look at the world from the standpoint of what they can get out of it, how they can use people to get their own needs met, with no thought of others needs.
He measures everyone and everything by the yardstick of usefulness.The real tragedy of narcissism is that they are unable to love. His partner gradually shuts down parts of herself to avoid his punishing silences and erratic, sometimes tyrannical mood swings.
What little self-esteem she has left is in shreds, and she may develop anxiety, panic attacks, and/or depression. Some [victims] in narcissistic relationships are on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety drugs, they aren't sleeping normally, and are drinking, gambling, smoking pot, eating too much or not enough.
They tend to come across as sort of shell-shocked and hollow, and they exhibit symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is most commonly linked with war trauma, battered women and victims of rape or other violent crimes, but it can also occur from growing up in a dangerous home.
SOURCE
HAT TIP: Bye Bye Jekyll & Hyde
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