'Fat People Aren't Unstable' -- For This We Needed a Study?

CAUTION ADVISED WHEN MAKING FANTASY TAPES!

When I read this I was stunned. I really thought I was old enough and had been through enough that nothing would shock me. But some things still do.

First this guy was a Judge. A judge who presided over divorces and child custody. The things you hear in those kinds of cases are pretty raw stuff.

Second, I strong suspect this judge is a narcissistic sex addict. The bottom article should illuminate exactly why I think that. But this statement in the first article below was a huge clue:

Hagler was relaxed and smiling at times during Wednesday's hearing. He said during a break that he had not heard the tape in the hands of police and could not be sure it was the one he recorded. "I hope it's my voice," he said.

Always a huge red flag when someone is that flip, glib and denying with such bravado. A really ginormous red flag.

We all have our private fantasies and sexual preferences. Fair enough. I have no desire to know about anyone else's and the ones I do know about? I keep to myself. I don't believe in putting anything THAT personal that someone wanted to share with me out there for public consumption (see my post on Cell Phones earlier). I am a T.M.I. (Too Much Information) hater.

I hope I never ceased to be shocked by some things because then I have lost empathy and with it, my humanity.

But if anything, this story should serve as a cavaet to every single person who uses the internet! This judge is VERY lucky its a tape and he didn't put it online or on YouTube! Of course he's worried about the press getting it - it will spread virally on the net once it does.

However, NOTHING disappears on the net. N O T H I N G! Four years ago this March, I had 2 forensic recovery detectives show me just how fast things can be gotten off the internet. It was horrifyingly quick.

Even if it was a private and/or paid-for closed group. Even if you closed your membership.

Even if you erased, defragged and with net-bleach.

It's there.

FOREVER.

So people for goodness sake, think twice what you are putting out there. Keep your kink to yourself. And don't post pictures of you, your family or your kids. Don't put personal information like the town you live in or your tastes in anything. I know the pain of identity theft can take years, if ever, to clean up.

Oh and those detectives? Got everything they wanted in UNDER 10 minutes. That fast. And that's not just ways the police have to do it.

BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!

Tennessee Judge Resigns Over "Fantasies" Tape

A Tennessee judge resigned last month after making a recording of fantasies so lurid that when the tape fell into the hands of the police and FBI, they thought they were listening to a torture session and believed it might be linked to a murder case.

Ultimately, investigators brought no charges against Circuit Judge John B. Hagler, and police said Wednesday he is not a suspect in any investigation.

But the sensational case has led to allegations of professional retaliation, interdepartmental intrigue and strategic news leaks.

The recording was investigated by authorities more than two years ago, but its existence did not come to light publicly until just a few weeks ago, and details on the contents are only now coming out, at a hearing that began Wednesday on whether police must release the tape.

During those two years, the judge remained on the bench, hearing mostly family court cases like divorces and child custody.

Among the mysteries: Why did he make such a recording? Why is it coming to light just now? And what, exactly, is on the tape?

The tape was briefly examined by Chattanooga police and the FBI in late 2005 after a secretary who had just been fired by Hagler turned it over, authorities said. She told them she found the recording of the judge's voice on a tape that also contained legal dictation.

"It sounded like someone being tortured," Chattanooga police Sgt. Alan Franks testified Wednesday, offering the first details of what is on the tape.

Franks said the recording was investigated in relation to a still-unsolved 1997 murder. He gave no other details on the murder case.

"The content was so shocking. I have been a police officer for 24 years," Franks said before his testimony was cut off by an objection.

Investigators ultimately concluded the recording consisted only of fantasies.

Two years later, the tape made its way to the prosecutor in Hagler's Tennessee district, District Attorney Steve Bebb. Then, last month, the Chattanooga Times Free Press learned about the recording from an unidentified source, and Hagler confirmed it and resigned.

Hagler said that he had done nothing wrong but that the recording had caused great embarrassment to friends, family and the courts. Hagler, who is 65 and married, has been a circuit judge in Cleveland, Tenn., since 1990 and served three terms as president of the Tennessee Trial Judges Association.

"The description of it as containing 'graphic fantasies' ... is an accurate and sufficient description and all any decent person would want to hear of it," the judge said in a statement.

Bebb, the district attorney, said he, too, concluded the recording was not connected to any crime, but what he heard led him to persuade Hagler, whom he describes as a longtime friend, to resign.

"This would disturb any human being who heard it," Bebb said.

The judge strongly suggested the leak was committed by someone with a grudge against him, perhaps someone he ruled against.

"In my opinion, the real story here, so strongly expressed by an alert and outraged public, is not about me or my sins, but about whether one of our essential public institutions, the judiciary, has been the victim of a retaliatory attack," Hagler said in his statement. He did not elaborate but alluded to a dispute within the local bar association.

The district attorney has disputed speculation the leak was related to the judge's recent ruling against a local sheriff's department's request for more funding.

Bebb said in December that he sent a copy of the tape to the state Court of the Judiciary, which handles complaints against judges. A court spokeswman said the panel would not act because the judge has resigned and it no longer has jurisdiction.

Members of the local bar have asked federal prosecutors to investigate how the existence of the tape became public. Police said FBI agents are asking them questions about the leak.

The judge is fighting a request by the Chattanooga Times Free Press, The Associated Press and other news organizations that the tape be released. The hearing resumes on Thursday.

Hagler was relaxed and smiling at times during Wednesday's hearing. He said during a break that he had not heard the tape in the hands of police and could not be sure it was the one he recorded. "I hope it's my voice," he said.
SOURCE


THE ESSENCE OF A NARCISSIST
We work to try to understand the essence of the narcissist. When I was trying to explain the N to a friend, she understood an N as someone not "able to face the pain of imagining they did something wrong". I wasn't sure about this so did a quick internet search on narcissists and admitting wrong and accepting fault, and got these quotes:

• The narcissist sometimes notices that something is wrong with him and with his life -- but he never admits it.
• The narcissist is incapable of admitting that something is wrong with HIM
• They will never admit fault, they will never say they are sorry.
  
• If something goes wrong, they will play the victim. They will blame others.
• Remember they will never admit they are wrong, they will never debase themselves with a real apology.
  
• They will never laugh at themselves.
• Narcissists adores themselves. They live for themselves, they think they can do no wrong and will not admit to wrongdoing [re: traits common to 6 year olds and adult narcissists]
• [For the narcissist] to admit to one failing, to acknowledge a mistake, even a simple human error of judgement, would be to open the door to the deep internal lack within.

Such feelings of worthlessness are like an ocean being held back by a fragile dyke. The illusion of perfection, maintained by projecting faults onto someone else, is a barrier to be constantly tended, mended and shored up. To admit any feelings of deficiency would be the equivalent of poking a hole in the dyke, an event to be feared as a total disaster.

Narcissists blame all problems on the "all-bad."

It's never the narcissist's fault; it's always someone else's.

The last paragraph speaks truly from a narcissist's perspective. It's always their victim's fault.

If the two of you have a conflict, he'll tweak the facts as much as he has to to make it all your fault.

"His perverse way of turning everything into my fault and his blaming left me battered and exhausted."

Externalization of Blame -- The child cannot allow the bad feelings of being at fault for anything. He/she/they/YOU are the problem! He avoids feeling vulnerable by blaming others. The fragile self esteem cannot be punctured by taking responsibility for behavior. His script is "Do not expose me to those intolerable feelings inside. I can't handle it."

Since the false self is grandiose and perfect, relationship problems are never the fault of the narcissist.

For making a change (whether great or small) implies that the narcissist has been two things they "cannot stand":

• imperfect (something is actually wrong with "them") and
• at fault ("they" actually were wrong, weak, or inferior somehow).
  

It can't be HIS fault - he is perfect.

The narcissist believes in effect, "Something doesn't feel right. I'm too special to be the cause, therefore it must be your fault."

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